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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 70302
Experience:  Over 5 years in practice
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I need a stop letter sent to a guy who distressed me greatly

Customer Question

Hi I need a stop letter sent to a guy who distressed me greatly recently. He has been, one way and another, intervening in my life, extremely distressing psychologically. I am a teacher, currently in London, but am returning to a job in KSA on Friday so I need to do this tomorrow or Thursday. Currently staying in Greenwich. Can you recommend anyone, please.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Jo C. replied 11 months ago.

What are you hoping the letter will say?

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Hi. I want him to desist in intervening in my life. His opinion is that I can be changed from an introvert to an extrovert with the assistance of a psychologist. He went to my parents and told them I had problems. Their terror they agreed to a family intervention which has broken my contact with my family and contributed to my being forced to retrain as a teacher and seek employment abroad. I returned to the UK in July after 14 months in Saudi after being no longer able to tolerate his desire for me to lead anything other than a quiet, private, low key life. He has destroyed my friendships and my previous occupation. He has made no physical threat, there is nothing the police can do. I hate to say it because it sounds so dramatic, but I think it's a type of stalking. I just want it made clear his presence, personally, through a third party or any other way in my life is neither wanted nor will be tolerated.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I haven't sought this action before, I have only just found out where he works and lives.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I just want him to leave me alone. I'41, I've lost 5 good years because of him, a lot of money, not just past, but future too. He's a holier than thou crackpot. He's damaged my life irreparably.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I just want to live my life as I choose and not be prodded or poked to be something I'm not ans don't want to be anyway.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 11 months ago.

Why don't you just ignore him?

It is not quite clear what specifically he is doing.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Please, I don't want to speak, I need him to stop. He's not rational. Ignoring doesn't work. I'm not allowed to ignore him. I know it must seem wild. I'm pretty desperate. Just a letter telling him to leave me alone. He's very clever. I'm tired of living in fear. I know where to find him now.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 11 months ago.

Ok. So what is he specifically doing?

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Telling people I knew socially and at work to be really nice to me so my confidence will improve and I'll make more friends. Telling people that the reason I don't have any confidence is because my hair fell out when I was 19. True, some of it did fall out when I was younger, it's a hormone thing and I've learnt to manage it. Knowing people are told that is beyond mortifying. One firm I worked for ended my contact as a result. I was just about to exchange on my first flat when that happened. That's just the financial cost. You cannot imagine the humiliation, embarrassment, loss of confidence I have experienced. You might not think that's not an awful thing. How would you feel if you'd been hoodwinked like that. I just wanted to die. The withering looks from people ranging from misplaced sympathy to outright laughing at me to disgust. It's a nightmare. When he saw me on Saturday he tried to get me to agree to a psychologist being an appropriate judge of when someone needs help. As I told him that's only for psychiatrists and Judges. He is dangerous in a way that isn't obvious. Please don't laugh at me, please don't judge me, please help me.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 11 months ago.

I'm really sorry but I'm afraid he cannot be prevented from doing that.

That is not harassment. That is just general conversation.

It would be different if he was contacting you or asking them to make adverse contact with you. He is not. You cannot lawfully ask him to stop mentioning you ever in conversation with anybody.

The reality is that a harassment warning could not be effective here because he is only doing something he in lawfully entitled to do. I'm really sorry but this is just plain not unlawful. I understand it might be annoying but no more than that.

Can I clarify anything for you?

Jo

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
What would be unlawful? I thought there was a new law which covered psychological abuse?
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
It came into effect when I was in Saudi.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 11 months ago.

Yes, but this isn't coercive control. Coercive control is a high test anyway that won't have much application.

This is just mentioning you to others. He is allowed to do that.

Expert:  Jo C. replied 11 months ago.

The police won't be interested in this because it isn't unlawful.

Also, you need to be careful about making allegations over things like this. The case of Waxman effectively says that making unmeritorious allegations is harassment in itself and you don't want to give him a cause of action against you.

Expert:  Jo C. replied 11 months ago.

If you have tried to report this to the police and follow up with sending him a harassment warning and he came to me for advice I would be telling him to sue you for harassment on the basis that you are making vexatious allegations.

Don't give him the satisfaction.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
He's a nutter who thinks he's in live with me. If he said I was harrassing him it would force into the light everything he's done to me. I've lost so much, good years mostly.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I've seen despair no one should see and now I know where to find him and there's nothing I can do. That's not right.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Thank you anyway. I'll get a more composed summary of events together and try again.
Expert:  Jo C. replied 11 months ago.

Yes, I understand but on the facts you are presenting so far you would be at risk of a harassment action.

One report to the police wouldn't be sufficient as it is just one but if you followed up with a further act of vexation that probably would.