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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33033
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My husband's ex-wife had the courts set up a non-molestation

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Hi, my husband's ex-wife had the courts set up a non-molestation order on allegations that were never proven or even looked at but just believed. On top of that at a hearing with a terrible barrister on our side her solicitor managed to get the order set out for further notice which we didn't even realise meant "forever unless she changes her mind".
The non-molestation order is mainly about her (no contact in any way between him and her etc) but she somehow also managed to get the children in without that my husband had sone anything but being a good father to his children. The two points are
1) not to use or threaten any violence against the children
2) not to send numerous texts, emails, phone calls or letters to the children
However via her solicitor she agreed to indirect contact via the mobile phone we gave his son and it was used quite frequently, my husband sent many texts and they spoke on the phone. Also physical contact with their two children went well, we have had them for almost a year now overnight every other weekend and sometimes 10 days during school holidays.
Whenever they return to their mother my husband seems to be forgotten and they barely call or text from their side, it always has to come from my husband, many times unanswered. He is very hurt by this situation (and also that she keeps telling the children horror stories about him which the 4 year old let's slip from time to time so we know for sure).
In the beginning of August the pain got too much and my husband send inappropriate texts to his son saying that the mother is a fat evil devil and that she keeps them from contacting him, that he cannot trust his son when he says he is missing him, that he lies too much and that he should go to this evil family of hers, one day he will understand...
She sent the texts to me asking me to discuss with him and that he has to stop which I did and he apologised and we spoke to his son about it, and also had the children for another holiday of 10 days since. So he made a mistake and he is very sorry for it.
She now suddenly is saying (almost 2 months later) that she sees this as a breach of the NMO but she will not start formal steps. Which is as good as a threat hanging over our head if she might or not send the police around. I do not believe that the texts were a breach since in my opinion the point about sending numerous texts is void because she allowed indirect contact. But we are scared now that she could find a way. Can you help us advising if these texts would be considered as a breach?
Thank you very much
Submitted: 1 month ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 month ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

How old are the children?

What is the actual pattern of contact?

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Hi, the children are 4 and 9. And we could see them every other weekend from Friday evening until Sunday evening and for longer during school holidays. She gives us more access than we expected but keeps speaking badly about my husband in front of the children. But of course we cannot proof it. This is tearing the children apart and hurting my husband very much so two weeks ago we decided to stop seeing them for a while. At the very moment there is no contact, not even indirect, though we keep the mobile contract up for the phone we gave my husband's son so he can call whenever he wants to but it is not really happening at the moment apart form one or two texts with I love you, I miss you a week ago.
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
But the pattern used to be that we had the children for a happy time over the weekend, then I would return them, they would not want to go, then my husband's son would text him quite a lot that he misses him etc and after about one or two days it would cease and he would not even respond anymore. But they did a lot of texting and calling during the past year.
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Plus in the recent letter where she was mentioning the breach of the non molestation order it stated that she decided not to take action on it and later she suggests to put up a weekly schedule for phone contact (which we had suggested twice before already and she never supported the son to actually do so, the phone was mostly out of battery) at least if we do not want to see them for now.
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
She is very erratic, so we are just scared that if she suddenly reconsidered and decided to take action this would really be treated as a breach of the non molestation.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 month ago.

For clarity - you were having face to face contact but have now stopped this of your own accord?

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
We even had overnight contact. Yes.
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
we had regular overnight contact, physical contact.
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
May I ask why I did not get further response for 24 hours now?
Expert:  Clare replied 1 month ago.

My apologies I have been offline whilst travelling

I have now also read the other thread that your had opened with copies of the letters

I am sorry but I am going to have to be very blunt with you.

The emails he sent were not just a breach of the non molestation order they were inappropriate in every way to send to a child and would have entitled his ex to make a new applictaion to the court had she wished to do so.

However it seems from the letter from her solicitor that she does not intend to take action - so on that at least you can relax

However by giving up the ocntact that he has your husband is making it much much harder to have any contact with the children in future.

Yes it is hard to only have weekends - and of course the children so not wish to go back - it is also normal for the children to then carry on without contacting their father in between times.

This is how children manage to cope with living separately with each parent

It is up to your husband - the adult - to understand the needs of the children - to have a wonderful time with them when they are together - and to reassure them that he will be there next time - and that he does not need THEM to support him.

Please look at this website

To try and ensure that the ocntact is resumed with the children at the centre

I am so sorry to be harsh - but it is clear that the children love their father - and need him

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
How is it a breach of the order though when she has officially allowed indirect contact?
Thanks for your bluntness. We know it was inappropriate. But she tells the children terrible things/lies about him which they then repeat to us. My husband was still recovering from a big nervous breakdown and he cannot handle 'being the adult' here hearing from his children how she twists everything to make him look like a monster in their eyes. So he made this mistake and snapped. We know she says it in the letter that she won't take action but she has proven in the past that this does not mean anything but she is actually threatening us that she could.
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Hi Clare, I am happy to rate your service. I just wondered if you could explain how it is a breach of this order (1) not to use or threaten any violence against the children and 2) not to send numerous texts, emails, phone calls or letters to the children) if she had officially allowed indirect contact via the mobile. As said we know it was appropriate and she could go to courts for any other reason and put up another order or whatsoever. But we are particularily interested in the breach of the existing Non Molestation order. Would it help if I asked this question in a new chat (we have got the flat rate subscription now) so you can get credited there?
Customer: replied 1 month ago.
Sorry, inaapropriate of course (typo above), to send the texts. We know that... We did get a lot of good advice in the past years, put no one can give the right advice unless they truly understand how incredibly difficult it is to just go along when you hear your children telling you what you have done wrong (mostly untrue horrible things) and not being allowed to tell them that it is not true.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 month ago.

I know it is hard - very hard - but the fact that the children are telling him what she says means that they are looking for the reassurance that it is not true.

If they actually thought he was a monster then they would not tell him what had been said.

It was a breach because she had certainly not agreed that such texts should be sent.

The fact that she had agreed to some indirect contact cannot be used to exclude what was actually sent

Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 33033
Experience: I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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