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Ask Clare Your Own Question

Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34030
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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I'm trying to find a solution to a difficult issue with my

Customer Question

Hello, I'm trying to find a solution to a difficult issue with my children seeing their Father. I have triplet boys aged 10. I have not been living with their father since they were 3 months old due to his aggressive and violent behaviour towards me, (he was convicted of violence towards me and over the years there have been non-molestation orders in place that have been breached. There are currently no orders in place). 8 years ago, in the Family Court he was given open access to the children and allowed to pick them up from my home. Over the last year it has transpired that he has been hitting 2 of the triplets, which was discovered through the children disclosing to the pastoral care worker at school. Social Services are involved and the onus is on me to protect the Children. The difficulty is that one of the triplets very much wants to see his Father and has not experienced physical or verbal aggression from him. This is causing issues for the other 2 because he is coming home and telling them all the fun things he has done at the weekend and the money Dad has given him. Their father tries to bribe and threaten the other 2 to see him. One of the triplets, that has aspergers is adamant that he will not see his father and has not seen him for over a year, however the other triplet is torn and wants to go and have fun with his Dad and brother but every time he goes, he comes home in tears saying that Dad has been swearing and shouting and pushing him. This latest incident has once again been reported to Social Services and I expect a call from them imminently. My fear is that if I apply for a variation of the order and it is not accepted in the Family Court again I have not helped the Children at all and in fact made it worse if the Judge deems that he must be allowed contact with the Children. But if I do nothing Social Services say that I am not protecting my Children. The children are not afraid to speak about what has been happening and I think it is time that someone listened to them and asked what they want. But I don't now how to go about it. As it stands, he denies that he is aggressive or violent to the boys and that they are just naughty and that I am making it up to cause trouble. Do you have any advice? At the moment 2 of the triplets are not seeing their father but he is phoning them or coming to the house demanding that they come out and speak to him and tell him to his face why they don't want to see him. This makes them understandably, very frightened.
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Harris replied 8 months ago.

Hi, thank you for your question. Just a bit more information to fully assist you:

-How old are the triplets?

-What are the exact arrangements in the order for his contact?

Expert:  Clare replied 8 months ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is ***** ***** I shall do my best to help you.

Given the involvement of Social Services you have no need to be concerned about returning the matter to court.

As a starting point you should move the handover away from your home and make it plain that if he does attend the house again you will call the police.

I would suggest that you offer contact with the boys at a local Contact Centre - for however many of your 10 year olds as wish to attend.

This will limit his ability to treat the boys differently

I suggest that you write him a letter setting this out and inform him that he is welcome to take the matter back to court if he wishes - at which point it is not impossible that ALL contact would be stopped.

I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details

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