Is she in the UK?
What was the arrangement that you had with her?
In that case you cannot reclaim.
This is just not a contract.
It might well be that you were used. That is probably right. Some women do that. It is not acceptable but it isn't unlawful.
The loans are different of course. They are lawfully reclaimable.
This is not unlawful.
Never get involved with women who demand that you pay for things. It is not your responsibility to pay for them.
And, in my view, you would do well to avoid the ones who have a background of making allegations of abuse. They will do it to you if they have done it to others.