replied 10 months ago.
Thank you Harris
....Emotional and physical harm....this is what I am dealing with for the last 2-3 years!! Apparently, it is impossible to prove, the mental abuse.... My ex knows that and he is very cleaver about it. This is his second divorce, so he knows how system works, and also he is a very cleaver chartered accountant..
When I pronounced about the divorce 3 years ago, his Mother, bless her said to me two things:
- Don't blame him, he never had a role model
- Do you realize, you'll be not able to live in such a bog house (we lived in three storeys, 4 bedrooms house)....
l looked at her and though that she is a poor lady if the house is the only reason I should stay with her son...but I didn't say anything, because of respect to her age and because she is a Mum!
Anyways...my ex "played it nicely" during divorce and all of this became clear at the third final financial sitting, all dot-to-dot became a clear picture:
so he became very aggressive and verbally abusive since I said I wanted the divorce; he was calling me names ec.. in front of the children and, generally, made my life impossible under the same roof with him (even if I had to fit a lock into my bedroom), so I did run away with children at one night when he was at his new girlfriend's, where he did spent regular weekends and night in the middle of the week. Again, him being careful not to spend there more than 4 nights a week, so that wouldn't count towards cohabiting and he would have to put his new partner on his Form E. So, when I was accepted to get a rented flat through the housing association, one night I packed all girls and my belongings and left everything else behind. My solicitor and police were aware, so my solicitor sent an email to my ex, informing him that we have moved out of our matrimonial home and letting him know our new address (5 mins drive from where we used to live). As I mentioned above, this was part of his plan, to make my life impossible, so I would move out voluntarily, and now he was saying to the Judge, that his ex and children were securely accommodated and there was no rush to sell the house. (making story short, he done lots of "cleaver" things, being an accountant and running his own business he showed the smallest income possible; he opened new company(same business) and transferred all clients data base there, so now he had 100% shares (in previous company I had 49% shares) and, also, because it was a new, less than a year old, company, he kind off could raise a mortgage so he should stay in the house for another year and so on and so on... All I thought was clear what he did and why, but his solicitor was so good (and I was totally disappointed in mine) and after all Judge agreed and drafted the court order that matrimonial house should be put on the open market no later than 15 September 2016 (still not on the market tho!!!);
Also, he had a house on Madeira and he made fake email and twisted the fact, saying that house is in a state and unsaleable, so Judge believed him on this one too and excluded this house from the asset schedule, however left all mortgage against matrimonial house as liability.... And surprise , surprise!!: House on Madeira was sold straight away after the final hearing and my ex got cash of over 100,000€!! without the need to pay any mortgage back as it is allocated against the matrimonial home now!!
I treated this situation as if money make him happy, let it be!! And he knows that my children is what I care about and will never fall for money! He tried to control me financially but it didn't work and then he said to me: Children!!! That where you don't have way out and I'll make you to suffer! (his exact words)
I have spoken to so many professionals by now, and the social worker, and Womens aid, and I had two Police officers talking to me in my kitchen after I rang them again telling that I don't know what to but my children came back from their father and both said to me that he slapped their faced, said that when he asks who they want to live with, if they say with Mummy then they get in trouble so they both apologized to me, saying: Mummy, we had to tell him what he wanted to hear, otherwise Daddy doesn't give up and asking us again and again, until we say so.." Mu heart goes for my two little girls, having to deal with their bully dad!! So Police officers spoke to me, supported me, said that this is very common behavior, but apparently there is little can be done, as mental abuse is impossible to prove!!!
I felt like I am having a lot of talks but no actual help!! Eventually, I decide to take my daughter to see private psychologist, report of which I am attaching for you to read..... This was very expensive , £200/hr, so I couldn't afford much but still managed to have 3 hrs in total, 2hrs of which my oldest daughter had 1:1 with psychologist, as she needed it the most !!! And that when social services got involved as she (psychologist) reported to SS..