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Ask Dr. D. Love Your Own Question
Dr. D. Love
Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 18461
Experience:  Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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Hi i m a indXXXXX XXXXXving in dubai on work permit, 30 yrs old

Customer Question

Hi i m a indXXXXX XXXXXving in dubai on work permit, 30 yrs old male. 2 yrs back i got my first affair with a philipina lady in dubai and after 1 yr of relationship, we were very close to each other and were happy with each other. I decided to marry another girl based on the culture and dumped this girl and ended the relationship. I though it will be easy to move on and get settled with indian girl who is more liked by our family. The girl i selected was not very attractive to me but i had to get married based on pressure from family, i decided to married, 2 months before in april we got married. My heart was not allowing me to marry her as i dont like her, but my mind and parents were happy with the alliance. Just before marriage i got suffered from depression and anxiety, i never wanted to get married, but again with counseling from parents and relatives, i decided to marry. but its being 2 months i am still not happy with her, i m not finding her physically attractive to be as my wife, i am not able to love her the way a newly married couple should be loving each other, i am trying to ignore her, i lost my job, in this period of tension and confusion stage, i have moved on with this marriage for which i was not prepared at all and now i m suffering from it, she loves and likes me but i dont, my heart still doesnt love her, i never bought her a gift and even didnt went to honeymoon with her. i know she is not happy and even i am not happy. i am thinking to commit suicide sometimes, as i dont find any way. Also thinking for divorce but again confused that it should not be a wrong step for me. we both stay together in flat, she is working and i am always at home, doing nothing and my mind is not willing to do anything, i m not meeting friends, not talking to anybody, not searching for job, just at home sleeping and getting mad. It all happened since last 1 year since i got engaged but last 4 months have been very confusing and i lost my health and wealth with no happiness. Even sexually i m not happy with her coz you dont like her as a attractive person, compared to my girl friend before who was very good with in bed.

Pls advice me what should i do, i can think 2 things suicide or divorce, coz i am not happy and without sexual intimacy and attraction, married life will be be dead.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 4 years ago.
Would you be willing to seek counseling?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Need relationship advice, what i should do, shall i continue with marriage, shall i divorce, or how can i be happy with the marriage and life.

Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 4 years ago.
It is impossible for someone else to tell you whether you should continue in the relationship or not.

However, one of the advantages of counselling is that it can help you analyse your own feelings and help to determine what would be the best course for you. Counselling can also help you in dealing with difficult life situations.

In general, divorce would be preferable to continuing in a marriage that is not making either you or your wife happy. But with counselling, it is possible that the marriage can become a happy one for both of you.

If you are certain that the marriage cannot be happy, either now or with counselling, then divorce would be appropriate.

If you have any further questions, please let me know.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

How can i get counseling ?

Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 4 years ago.
There are several types of counsellors, but a psychologist is the most common. Your primary care physician would be able to refer you to a counsellor that will be able to assist you.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

is this site cannot answer this question.

Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 4 years ago.
No one can tell you what you should do. Part of the reason that you married this woman is because you were following the advice of other people.

The correct answer to your situation is that you need to get to a point that you understand what decision is correct for you, and counselling would be the appropriate method for doing so. The counsellor also will not give you the answer, but will be able to help you come to your own answer.