Hello from JA
I am Dr. Thomas, board certified in internal medicine and integrative medicine and I can help you with this and any follow up questions. I cover a lot of ground and might give you an answer or ask for information, but use reply to communicate with me for questions or added details.
Labeling the other man as having a problem does not change the fact that your wife has a big problem.
Just from your description, I see no indication that she, or your, have addressed these problems professionally.
This is a serious problem on her part, one might call it sex addiction, but that would be an armchair diagnosis, personality disorder also being in the differential diagnosis.
So this needs to be assessed by a professional.
What I suggest in this situation to patients is as follows.
YOU should find a trained PhD psychologist/family therapist, which is a well defined field. And you should start therapy sessions, first to help you, secondly to invite her into the family therapy if this is feasible, which is something you will figure out with the therapist. Sometimes relationships have to end. If she does not realize this as a serious problem on her part [being married and continuing an addictive affair], then that might be the only solution.
However, family therapy might resolve this if both parties are willing to work at it.
OK. If you have further questions or details, use reply to expert.
Otherwise please choose a positive rating . But, still come back if you need to…think of something later, etc. Bonuses are appreciated.