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Ask Dr. Chip Your Own Question
Dr. Chip
Dr. Chip, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 33315
Experience:  20 yrs. in practice, includinge surgery, general medicine, addiction medicine and pain.
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I am a mom of two beautiful boys my eldest is 3.6 the other

Customer Question

I am a mom of two beautiful boys my eldest is 3.6 the other on is 1.4 . I am a working but from home. I adore my kids and im over protective
my eldest took all the love and spoiling in the world as he was the first grandchild, the second came in a very hard timing my mom was dignosed with brain tumer and went into coma for the past 5 months now!!
I breast fed both the eldest 6 months as i had PPD, my second 8 moths and then after i was done i moved him to sleep, play stay with his nanny most of the time
We were afraid that the first one will get jelous and hate his brother so focused on the first one so he wont feel the neglect
Now im crying and very gulity as my second prefers the Nanny over me. when hes with me he loves playing he looks at me and pull me from my pants to play the games he like but when he sees her passing he would start looking and reaching out for her to take him !!
I dont know what to do ? i do love that my son has the capacity to love others but i feel like i lost my son and he loves me no more
what should i do ??
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 4 years ago.
Hi. I understand how you feel. First off it really doesn't sound as though your son doesn't love you. Can you tell me exactly why you think that?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I have controlling issues i guess and I'm a perfectionist so i don't have Gray in how i see life its black or whit thats why i feel guilt that i let my son love someone else over me or get used to someone over me !!


 


Like if he,s having fun and laughing with me and he sees her passing he'd cry wanting to go to her! if i try to take reach out with my hand and say " wanna come to mama" he look at me smile and sometimes he chooses to throw himself to me and sometimes he refuses to come to me


 


I feel like i have to let go of her, when she's away he never looks for her or gets cranky or anything , ONLY when she's around is when he prefers her


 


HAVE I LOST MY SON ??

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

any feedback on what i asked doctor ??

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 4 years ago.
Sorry for the delay--I had to be off for a moment. Can I ask if you've ever had a problem like this with, say, someone besides your child?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
What do u mean ?
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 4 years ago.
Well, I'm thinking that the problem, if you will, might not be with your child. I was wondering if you've ever felt neglected or abandoned before in your life by someone important in your life
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
No ... I know it's my fault to leave my child most of his day with the nanny after spending 8 months of nursing I thought maybe its time I rest and sleep so I made him sleep I'm his bed and she sleeps in a different bed but in his room and I started sleeping back in my bedroom!

Now that he's 1 year and 3 months he prefers to be around her ... It hurts so bad that he prefers to be with her than me !!!
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 4 years ago.
Does your husband agree that there's a problem?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes of course my son is worse with him ... He accepts his dad only if I and his nanny r away!! But if he sees me he needs me and if he sees his nanny he needs her over me !!

I'm Sorry but do u not see a problem ??
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 4 years ago.
Well, since I'm not there I just needed to try to get a more clear idea of what was going on. Just one more question--can you do without the nanny or would you have to hire another one?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
It will be very challenging to do without her or another one because of my other 3 year old he need dedicated attention as well and my mom is very ill with brain cancer and she's in a coma and I'm doing her homeopathy remedies so it will b too stressful for me but I can
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 4 years ago.
OK. First off, it sounds as though you're a very loving, caring, and dedicated mother and that you've done well by both your children. It does sound as though your younger child has developed an abnormally close relationship with your present nanny but it also seems as though he's fine when she's not around. I'd suggest getting a new nanny and continue with what you're doing with your son. At his age now, he won't likely get so attached to the new nanny and in time hopefully you won't need a nanny at all. And I don't think your son doesn't love you--it's just that he seems to have two mothers right now and his affection just needs to be redirected to you alone.