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Dr. Chip
Dr. Chip, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 32292
Experience:  20 yrs. in practice, includinge surgery, general medicine, addiction medicine and pain.
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My son is now 40. Over the last few years he has issolated

Customer Question

My son is now 40. Over the last few years he has issolated himself from his family and friends. He only sees his daughter, now aged 11, but I don't think that will last much longer. His behaviour is getting stranger and his lying which has always been bad had got so very much worse.
It is as though he needs to be a victim and if he isn't treated badly he hurts people until they hit back.
The familly is small and we love him but he will not talk to anyone. We are at fault but he won't or can't tell us what we have done wrong or how we can put it right.
He is hurting his daughter with his lies because she knows what he says is wrong and she knows that his promises even to her are worthless.
His latest silly lie really upset my Grand-daughter and I can't understand his thinking. He made her text her mother to get a message to me because he didn't have my number, so he said. She told him the number but he said she was worng. She wasn't. It's the same number I have had since 1984 and he used it for many years while he lived here. It's not ex-directory and it is on google with business website so very easy to find. What was the point?
I am so sorry to go on so much about somehting that seems so trivial but this and other silly lies and stories have started to frighten me. I don't know what to do.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 4 years ago.
Hi--how is he doing at work and with, say, friends? Has he gotten into any trouble with his behavior?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

His own company went bankrupt 2 years ago and the business he started with an ex-employee has just stopped trading. He blames me for both failures. He has no friends. He is working now but I don't know where. He won't even tell the mother of his daughter where he is living.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 4 years ago.
OK--have you talked to him about how worried you are and asked him to get some therapeutic help?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

He says there is nothing worng with him it is us.


 


I have asked that if I get help for me will he come with me the answer is NO.


 


When asked what we have done wrong quote"If you don't know I'm not going to tell you"

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 4 years ago.
I see. so how exactly can I help you with this?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Do I just give him what he seems to want? Do I go along with his dilussion that we don't care, noone cares? Or do I face him and try to force him to accept this is unture and we want to help?

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 4 years ago.
OK--what is it he seems to want--to be left alone?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

He says he wants to be left alone. When he is left alone he sends strange text messages to his daughter's mother. He tells his daughter lies about how now he needs us we don't want to even talk to him. Christmas is a nightmare and it's the same every year. We all invite him, he ignores us ( even his daughter) he doesn't show up and then spends the next year complaining to his daughter about how lonely he was.


He seems to need his lfe to be harsh and without love.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 4 years ago.
OK This sounds like a combination of depression together with an antisocial personality disorder and those patients can be very difficult to treat since they're convinced there's nothing wrong with them. You and the other members of the family shouldn't blame yourselves for this because you have reached out and tried to work with him. For now I suggest you do leave him alone--tell him you are there for him if and when he's ready to see a therapist, but tell him that until he does decide to do that you will not communicate with him at all. Hopefully if he becomes completely isolated the loneliness will prompt him to ask for help