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Ask Dr. Phil, MD Your Own Question

Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 52531
Experience:  GP in the United States
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I think because of my partner being on the on end or the other

Customer Question

I think because of my partner being on the on end or the other with most things that he might have some disorder like borderline ( he's at first impression not afraid to be left alone though) main problem is that he is very sweet and happy at times or very angry and when he is angry, it is an a passive and active way and for a long time. Before he needed days to get over a little arguement but this month he left the house for 2 weeks just because is is angry. He came back, 3 days later something sets him off again and he says he will be gone now for 4 days. (when he grew up he never learnt how to deal with conflict and was never allowed to talk about problems, in his family you have to keep smiling) would there be any way to do something about it that he would realise he needs help? When he is in anger he does't think clear. Is only stubborn and angry. What can I do? Thank you, L.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. Phil, MD replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Phil, MD :

Hello. I'm Dr. Phil, licensed and practicing internist. Excellent service is my goal.

Dr. Phil, MD :

please enter chat

Dr. Phil, MD :

Hi I'm Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil, MD :

Can I ask your first name?

Dr. Phil, MD :

first name?

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : Hi my name is louise
Dr. Phil, MD :

Hi Louise

Dr. Phil, MD :

Nice to meet you

Dr. Phil, MD :

I'm sorry about your husband

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : What do you think I can do best in this situation
Dr. Phil, MD :

do you think he has depression or bipolar?

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : I think he is not bipolar. He might be a depressed but when he is on the happy side again than he seems quite ok
Dr. Phil, MD :

Ok

Dr. Phil, MD :

He might have cyclothymia

Dr. Phil, MD :

It is a minor form of bipolar characterized by cycling moods

Dr. Phil, MD :

My recommendation would be to start out with his primary doctor

Dr. Phil, MD :

I recommend a referral to psychiatry to get assessed for an underlying mood disorder

Dr. Phil, MD :

I also recommend a counselor for both of you at the same time

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : But he keeps saying he's in his head alot. It seems more like he can't handle any kind of stress like when I ask him if he can send an email to arrange something than it is already a big thing
Dr. Phil, MD :

that is a sign of depression in men

Dr. Phil, MD :

very common

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : He was a lawyer before and investment banker. He went backpacking in thailand. That is where i met him. He was married at the time. I said i wouldn't be with a married man. He got divorced and met me again in thailand. We live there now for 5 years and he is ever since trying to write a book. Still nothing finished.
Dr. Phil, MD :

I see

Dr. Phil, MD :

That is pretty impulsive behavior

Dr. Phil, MD :

could be just an impulsive guy but clearly there could be an underlying mood disorder

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : Before that he was with that woman for 8 years (4years married) and had 2 stable jobs)
Dr. Phil, MD :

I see.

Dr. Phil, MD :

could be related to the drug use

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : Sorry what could be? The past use still having influence?
Dr. Phil, MD :

No, I mean the explanation for the behavior

Dr. Phil, MD :

that being said, most drug users are self medicating underlying anxiety or depression

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : Yes that was the case it was his escape for any uncomfortable feeling. So after rehab 2 years ago I think he has not used anymore. So what do you think my approach should be now? Because he still hasn't learnt to express himself with words. But he says he is fine he just needs time alone and I shouldn't bother him. I suggest him to stop this relationship but that doesn't happen either
Dr. Phil, MD :

I would come from a place of love/caring

Dr. Phil, MD :

Just tell him that you don't care who is in the wrong...you just want to work on the relationship with him

Dr. Phil, MD :

see a counselor first and go from there

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : Thank you for the effort to reply but I do have the feeling you haven't read my story that I wrote in the first place before this chat comes up. Because your answer is kind of what my question was. (See part; already tried)
Dr. Phil, MD :

I did miss that

Dr. Phil, MD :

I'm sorry

Dr. Phil, MD :

so what does the counselor say/

Dr. Phil, MD :

?

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : I still don't think you've read it. Is this website serious?
Dr. Phil, MD :

I don't understand

Dr. Phil, MD :

I am a licensed and practicing primary care physician

Dr. Phil, MD :

You had a lot of information in your post.

Dr. Phil, MD :

I read it but unfortunately I missed the part about the marriage counselor.

Dr. Phil, MD :

What did the counselor say?

Dr. Phil, MD :

was the counselor supportive of you? did they recommend he see a psychiatrist?

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : If you really read it than you can see it says that we don't have an appointment yet
JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : For you to understand this story it means I have to tell the whole story I have written, again
Dr. Phil, MD :

Okay. Let's start over.

Dr. Phil, MD :

Hang on a minute and let me read it again. Hold tight

Dr. Phil, MD :

ok.

Dr. Phil, MD :

Has he used anything other than marijuana?

Dr. Phil, MD :

or does he drink?

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : I said he is probably borderline. We might go to a counsellor but he is not open to it so how could i get it to work well else it will fail. And when he's in anger he is not making sense.
Dr. Phil, MD :

what about any harder drugs or alcohol?

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : How could I get through him if he keeps staying away for days the last time for weeks?
Dr. Phil, MD :

I have to tell you that leaving like this is a sign that he is probably still using

Dr. Phil, MD :

Normal non users don't leave for days at a time

Dr. Phil, MD :

That is not normal

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : What do you mean I just told you he went to rehab 2 years ago for softdrugs. He hasn't been taking drugs or alcohol ever since. I don't see drugs behaviour also.
Dr. Phil, MD :

I don't believe that. I'm sorry

Dr. Phil, MD :

He wouldn't be leaving for 7 days at a time if he wasn't using

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : He grew up having to smile and not talk about problems or conflicts so talking is very scary for him, cause he is not used to it.
Dr. Phil, MD :

I think that is an excuse for him to leave

Dr. Phil, MD :

I have a LOT of experience with addiction

Dr. Phil, MD :

My own family plus as a doctor

Dr. Phil, MD :

That is classic addict behavior. Cause an argument as an excuse to leave and use

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : I just told you that
Dr. Phil, MD :

I know but what you don't realize is that is just an excuse to leave and use

Dr. Phil, MD :

Ask him to take a drug test. I bet he refuses

Dr. Phil, MD :

I know this is not easy to hear but I think deep down you know it is true

Dr. Phil, MD :

As a doctor Louise, I know a lot of men. hundreds

Dr. Phil, MD :

And I don't know any sober guys that leave for 7 days because of an argument

Dr. Phil, MD :

It doesn't happen

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : But when he is smoking weed he becomes suspicious and than he's only angry after he uses it, now he's angry all the time cause he keeps sending me angry smsses over the whole day every day. When he was using before he would just not care and be not available. If you know about addiction i think you also recognize this.
Dr. Phil, MD :

Ok. I am going to be brutally honest with you here Louise.

Dr. Phil, MD :

You seem not to trust me because I misread your post.

Dr. Phil, MD :

That is okay. But you are in denial.

Dr. Phil, MD :

It is very possible he is using other drugs...harder drugs...or drinking.

Dr. Phil, MD :

very possible. Mood swings, lashing out, leaving for days a time are classic behaviors of an addict

Dr. Phil, MD :

Go ahead and ask him if he will take a urine drug test. I would be willing to eat my hat if he agrees to take it on the spot.

JACUSTOMER-szm1l86w- : This anger thing never left him. He doesn't talk about aliens stories anymore like before when he was for sure using
Dr. Phil, MD :

Okay. so his behavior is different. Does that matter?

Dr. Phil, MD :

He is angry, lashing out and leaving for days at a time

Dr. Phil, MD :

I would say that is pretty classic addict behavior

Dr. Phil, MD :

Listen Louise, you have all the power here.

Dr. Phil, MD :

You can rate me negatively and tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about and ask for your money back

Dr. Phil, MD :

That doesn't matter to me.

Dr. Phil, MD :

I am here because you need someone to tell you the brutal, honest truth

Dr. Phil, MD :

And that is what I have done.

Dr. Phil, MD :

so I have done my job whether you pay me or not

Dr. Phil, MD :

Might he just be depressed? Sure, I suppose that is possible. However, I can tell that you question whether he is sober or not. Maybe even a little bit. And we can't even begin to help him unless he is perfectly clean and sober. My advice would be to ask him to take a drug test. If he refuses, then you know your answer. He is using.

Dr. Phil, MD :

Feel free to rate me however you see fit

Dr. Phil, MD :

I am more than willing to help more if you have more questions

Dr. Phil, MD :

are you there?

Dr. Phil, MD :

still online?

Dr. Phil, MD :

hello?

Dr. Phil, MD :

okay. Let me know if you need further help

Dr. Phil, MD :

Good luck Louise.

Expert:  Dr. Phil, MD replied 2 years ago.
I noticed that our chat is not complete.

My main goal is your 100% satisfaction and for you to consider this service excellent. If you are not 100% satisfied, just click reply and I will happily provide more information.

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