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Dr. David
Dr. David, Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 42791
Experience:  Board Certified Physician
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Hello, My husband has had a midlife crisis. He has abandoned

Customer Question

Hello,

My husband has had a midlife crisis. He has abandoned his family overnight and has not seen his two teenage daughters for 7 months. Prior to this he was a wonderful husband and father. From the information I have it seems that his childhood is the root cause. His father was an alcoholic who would throw his dinner at the wall and eventually abandoned his family, ran off to live abroad with another woman and never came home again. It seems my husband may also have attachment avoidance - he was very attached to me but since working abroad has completely attached himself to another woman. Throughout this episode he has stonewalled any emotional questions from myself or my children. I have elected to leave him in peace as he was becoming angry and aggressive with my questioning but the children are being damaged by his inability to answer their emotional issues in any way. They cry down the phone to him but he remains impassive and aloof. My question is: how do I protect my children from further emotional trauma without exacerbating my husbands trauma?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. David replied 2 years ago.

Dr. David :

This is Dr. David

Dr. David :

I am sorry about your husband.

Dr. David :

the best way to protect your children is to explain to them that it is not their fault for that their father has left.

Dr. David :

I would not worry about trauma to your husband at this point.

Dr. David :

the children are the priority in this situation and need your full attention and need you to be as strong for them as possible.

Dr. David :

your children might also benefit from seeing a counselor as well during this difficult time to be able to talk about their frustrations and their emotions to a therapist.

Dr. David :

how old are your daughters?

JACUSTOMER-twl908t5- :

Hi, thank you for your advice. My daughters are 16 and 18 although my husbands crisis began 3 years ago - he began to be "not present" with the children and we tiptoed around him worrying for him without being able to get any response as to what/why he was being so unpleasant to us all. My oldest daughter has largely cut him out of her mind - or so she says but my youngest misses him deeply and does not understand what she has done to have her emotions ignored in this fashion. I do tell them consistently that this is about him not them and I keep life as steady and upbeat for them as I can but I always make sure I stop and listen to them if they show any desire to talk about the situation.

Dr. David :

it sounds like you are doing all you can to help your children and raise your children as best as possible.

Dr. David :

I am so sorry for this situation and what your husband is doing.

Dr. David :

let me know if you have other questions.

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