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Ask Dr. D. Love Your Own Question

Dr. D. Love
Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 17663
Experience:  Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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Hi I am a male and got married as a at 23 (not my idea

Resolved Question:

Hi
I am a male and got married as a virgin at 23 (not my idea and not to be recommended in my opinion) My sex life with my wife was difficult and very infrequent. I am now 54 and we have not had sex for 12 years. Two years ago I realised it was never going to happen so I started seeing escorts. I have met some fantastic ladies and had some wonderful experiences.

I met a new lady a couple of weeks ago and she said you don't appear to be enjoying this. I said it was fantastic but she did not seem convinced. It made me think. I enjoy the company and the fun of sex and very much the visuals but I don't get a lost of a sensation during the acts. But I don't know what is normal for a man. I assumed the woman got a longer pleasurable experience and for the man it was all about the orgasm which was brief. But having talked to this lady she begged to differ.

I have taken the obvious route to my lack of sex and I am wondering if this may be a factor. Or is it in the mind or am I normal (ish).

Any insights gratefully received.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 2 years ago.
It will help if you could provide some further information.
Do you mean that you do not have much sensation during the sexual act until the orgasm?
Or do you mean that you think that your orgasm is too brief?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi


I don't get much sensation during oral or sex I enjoy the visual side of it. It can take me a long time to orgasm (over an hour ) and sometimes it does not happen but this does not bother me. The fact I can go for an hour with a very sexually experienced and hot lady make me feel good:) but it would be nice to always come. I don't find the orgasm mind blowing but I have no idea what is normal. My only point of reference is porn but this is so over the top anyway.


 


I now suspect that using masturbation as my only form of sex may have desensitised me. I tend to come quickly on my own.


 


Thanks

Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for the additional information.

It does sound from your description that you are having decreased sensation that results in prolonged stimulation to achieve an orgasm. It is true that pornography can cause some alteration in sensation and what it takes to feel pleasure, but it is not typical for it to take an hour to achieve an orgasm, even in this situation. There is a mild amount of decreased sensation that is normal with ageing, but it still would be unusual for it to take an hour to achieve orgasm.

Some men have learned how to regulate their sexual experience so that they can partake in a longer sexual encounter. So, it is normal to be able to extend the sexual experience and take longer to achieve orgasm. But it would be abnormal to take this long to achieve orgasm during a standard sexual encounter.

Therefore, one of the primary concern would be whether there is a condition that is affecting nerve function in the penis. There are metabolic problems that can affect nerve function to the penis, such as diabetes or alcohol use. It also may be related to vascular disease to the penis. An underlying cause cannot be identified in every case. However, it would be appropriate for you to be seen for a proper evaluation, including an assessment of nerve function and tests to look for underlying causes.

If you have any further questions or need clarification, please let me know.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thanks I will check with a doctor. I do drink but not excessively and I have been checked recently for diabetes as my brother has it (5 years younger) and I did have high blood sugar. I lost 2 stone and my blood sugar is now normal.


 


I have a further question but it is on a different sexual topic so I am assuming I will need to pay again?

Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 2 years ago.
If it is unrelated, it is supposed to be posed as a separate question, but if it does not require a lengthy answer, then I will be glad to answer it here. What is the question?

Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 2 years ago.
I do not see that you have received or reviewed my previous post. What further question do you have?

Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 2 years ago.

I do not see that you have received or reviewed the posts that I provided above. Sometimes, the notification system fails, so I am placing another post to prompt the system to send another notification, this time as an answer rather than an information request. Please let me know what further questions that you have.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Sorry I was out of the house.


 


The reason I delayed so long in using escorts was the risk of SDI being passed on to my wife. We may now be starting to have sex again (long story) but it is likely I will still continue to see one escort I have known for 2 years.


 


My question is around the risk to my wife if I have oral and sex with a condom with a lady who will never offer either without but I give her oral un protected? This lady was not available recently and I used a different escort who gave me unprotected oral but protected sex. I was concerned so had a full sexual health check and was completely clear.


 


What is the risk of me giving a escort unprotected oral?


 


What is the risk of me receiving unprocted oral from an escort?


 


Both more from passing it on to my wife no affecting me?


 


Many thanks Dave

Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 2 years ago.
I understand, and by the time that you posted the question, I was called away from the computer.

The risk of oral sex is much lower than the risk of penile-vaginal sex,and the risk to the man or performing oral sex appears to be much lower than the risk of receiving oral sex. It appears that the risk to the male of receiving unprotected oral sex is about equivalent to the risk of protected penile-vaginal sex.

In reality, the only STD that we have detailed information about risk according to the nature of the sex act is for HIV. The risk for transmission of HIV to the male of a single encounter with an HIV positive woman of unprotected oral sex or protected penile-vaginal sex is about 0.005%. Of course, most sexual encounters are with people that are HIV negative, and the risk in that situation is zero. Therefore, the actual risk for any specific encounter must include the prevalence of HIV in your community, or more specifically in the local escort community. If it is important to know that level of information, you would need to check with your local health department/health authorities.

For most STDs, the risk appears to be similar, but we do not have the same level of detailed information as we do for HIV. The one STD that clearly appears to be different is HPV, the virus that causes genital warts. There is no accurate test to detect HPV infection in a male, so it is impossible to perform testing in the same way as the studies for HIV, but the prevalence of HPV when testing women lead most experts in the field to say that virtually everyone that is sexually active outside of a monogamous relationship will become infected. Since we can't test for it in half of the population (the men), it is difficult to prove that risk, but that is the current thinking about the disease. There also is evidence of transmission by oral sex, but the exact level of risk cannot be determined. Many people stress out when they are told that there is such a high risk, but most infections with HPV also clear up spontaneously, so people never know they were infected. The experts that discuss the prevalence of the disease say that it is a level of risk that must be accepted if someone decides to have sex; it is similar to the fact that you accept the risk of dying in a car accident every time you get behind the wheel of a car. So, if you are asking what STD you are most likely to transmit to your wife from these outside encounters, HPV would be most likely, but the exact risk cannot be stated and there is no test that can be done to prove whether you have the infection.

As I have typed this answer, it has proven to be a lengthy answer, but since I have already typed it, I will not ask you to post a separate question and pay separately, but if you would be willing to consider a bonus payment, it would be much appreciated.

Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 17663
Experience: Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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