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Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 56498
Experience:  GP in the United States
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Hi, Im single parent, female,age 37 who lives with my son

Resolved Question:

Hi, I'm single parent, female,age 37 who lives with my son 18, for 17 years on my own. All was fine until he reached 15. Since then he is negative, dropped out the school,ignors my advises, is agressive to me and for the last year he didn't show any initiative to get a job or take a nocite of his self distruction. He wakes up at 1pm, plays his video games, goes to gym and that's his life. Has no friends as he thinks everyone is stupid around him. He started feeling sorry for himself and saying that his life has no value, that he better dies. I was being abused by his father whom he hates and has no contact with, but now my son is the exact picture of him. Expect him to obey him and arrange everything for him. I've tried everything, so much support and love he got. Nothing helps. I'm at the end of my energy as he started to abuse me mentally more even in front of my friends. He is twice as big as me and simply lost respect for me. I was thinking to get him a separate acommodation before it really does more damage. Please help, I'm clueless.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. Phil, MD replied 3 years ago.
Hello. I'm Dr. Phil, licensed and practicing internist. Excellent service is my goal.

It sounds like he is depressed

Has he gotten counselling and seen his GP for depression?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

No, he hasn't. he refuses to go to GP, he things I'm over reacting.

Expert:  Dr. Phil, MD replied 3 years ago.
Well, as I see it he is an adult.

You can give him an ultimatum.

Tell him that he is living under your roof and you pay the bills.

If he wants to continue to live there, he needs to see the GP and get counseling for his poor attitude. And possibly take medicine

Or he can get a job and pay bills

Or....he can find somewhere else to live.

I think your son is taking advantage of you and mentally abusing you because you are letting him. You have to be strong, put your foot down and take a stand.

He will continue to do this as long as you let him.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

 


This is exactly clear to me.


 


But there is a limit with my strength and ability to make my point. I can tell things like that out loud, he smiles or closes the door. I didn't want to pack his bags and throw him out, I was hoping we could have a conversation and get it sorted. It's not possible obviously. I don't want to be a bad parent and act aggressively back, he has no one but me but he won't react to my kindness at all.


 


My question would be really; how much more a parent should try so I don't damage his already broken attitude? If I send him out, isn't a contra productive way?

Expert:  Dr. Phil, MD replied 3 years ago.
Absolutely not.

The real way to be a good parent and to help him is by setting boundaries and rules. By continuing to do what you are doing (being very tolerant and nice), you are actually doing the wrong thing and essentially being a "bad" parent.

Sometimes real love is tough love

It is just like when a parent has an addict for a child. Many parents think that being helpful is the way to go. Absolutely not! You have to give them an ultimatum. Get clean or get out.

Same thing here. He has to shape up or ship out

I know it will be hard but I think you know that deep down it is the right thing to do
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

 


Yes, I agree with you. It's about the time he taps into his own resources as otherwise he will never reach out if I don't push him. I know he can do it, but I also know he is very very sensitive and this bit kind of puts a question mark on my mind to evaluate the right timing for such tough push.


Is there any right approach you advise I should go for to have such conversation please?

Expert:  Dr. Phil, MD replied 3 years ago.
Thanks for this reply

I would try to do it when you are getting along. Don't do it in the midst of an argument or anything like that.

And be sure to start off the conversation that you are coming from a place of love.

But be firm and stick to your guns. You have all the power here. Remember that.

Please don't forget a positive rating. I appreciate it
Dr. Phil, MD and other Medical Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you. I just hope I won't do any mistake in his formative age as we were fighting the life quite good so far. It's been a though journey so I hope my worry not to make even worst situation now at the end was a relevant one to have.


 


If there is anything I should be aware of, please let me know.


 


Have a good day and thank you.

Expert:  Dr. Phil, MD replied 3 years ago.
I appreciate the excellent rating.

I would be happy to help you in the future. Just ask for feedback. Thank you. :) Dr. Phil in your question opening or bookmark this page http://www.justanswer.co.uk/medical/expert-irondoc/

I greatly appreciate a positive rating in the customer satisfaction survey that you will receive via email. It is important for me to get your feedback. Thank you. :)