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Ask Dr. D. Love Your Own Question
Dr. D. Love
Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 18759
Experience:  Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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My husband has a raging temper which is loud and abusive. My

Resolved Question:

My husband has a raging temper which is loud and abusive. My neighbours have heard his shouting for years. It came to a head after a week spent with my family and my son's I laws, who I felt had been extremely hospitable towards us, but my husband perceived numerous slights. When we arrived home he had the worst ever rage with verbal abuse towards me, so much so that my neighbours wanted to call the police. I have since stayed in the spare room, detaching myself from him and said that I will seek a legal separation. I have recently become a grandmother, he is a step grandparent, my son is from a previous marriage, we have no children. I fear that he will spoil future happiness with his behaviour and that will one day be witnessed by my grandchild or I laws who he seems to hate. I have now received a text from him "unreservedly apologising" saying he loves me and wants to move forward. I can't see him changing and fear that I will lose the mental peace I have created.
I am nervous about the uncertainties of my future but feel if I stay it will happen again.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 3 years ago.
Do you know whether he would be willing to seek counselling?

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yes I think so but only if I went with him but he is such a strong character it is unlikely he will trust it. He is a
professor in law and is dismissive of this type of thing.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Can you please co firm how much I will be charged for this. I'm still using our joint account and my husband would go mad if anymore than £26.00 is taken.
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 3 years ago.
Well, there is no easy answer to this situation.

It is typically difficult for any woman to know whether to rely upon an apology from a husband after many years of a recurring pattern of inappropriate behaviour. It is also impossible for someone else to know whether you can trust in his apology, and I would not pretend that I can provide such an answer over the internet.

The best advice that I can give to you (and to my own patients in a similar situation) is that they should strongly consider counselling. Counselling as a couple would be appropriate, not only to strengthen the relationship, but also to assist you to determine whether there is a future in this relationship and for him to help overcome his behaviour. If he is not receptive to the counselling interventions, then he may not gain as much as would be preferred from the counselling, but that also may help you in deciding whether there is a future in the relationship.

If your gut feeling is that he is not likely to change and you do not want to invest further time in the relationship, that may also be an appropriate decision, but if you want to try to continue the relationship, it would likely be best if it is done in the context of seeking counselling to address the issues that have been present for years.

The amount of the charge would be what you originally agreed. The experts cannot see the financial components of the system, but the amount that you agreed upon is all that will be charged.

If I can provide any further information, please let me know.

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