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DrRussMD
DrRussMD, Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 65329
Experience:  Board certified Internal medicine and Integrative medicine. Many years of experience all areas.
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Hi, My stepdaughter who is 9 years old has been stealing

Resolved Question:

Hi,

My stepdaughter who is 9 years old has been stealing from me. During my business trip away, she stole £300 worth of make up and jewellery etc. She and brother lives wit us on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Monday and Wednesdays she lives with her mother. if she is with us on a Friday she will go to her mothers on a Saturday and the next weekend vice a versa. I have a good relationship with my partners son who is 14. Both my children 8 and 10 loves my partner and the 5 of us live very happily as a unit. The daughter is completely against any rules we have in the house and doesn't not want to contribute to the house but is moody, destructive and tends to bully other children. It has become more evident over the course of the last 2 years that the girl cannot operate in a group environment unless all attention is on her. It doesn't help that the mother is bitter and has tried to all avail to split us up. We have all been together for 5 years and I am concerned about this child and very angry that she is stealing from me. I need advice please on how to deal with this. I have spoken to the dad but he blames me as he doesn't spend enough time with her expects the role to be mine. The mother causes a lot of stress in the household and the fathers believes I should allow the mother to come and go as she pleases for "the sake of the kids". He makes excuses for her behaviour as she does carry a lot weight and combines with the guilt, does not punish her when she does wrong but will instead direct the frustration to another. Please help....
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  DrRussMD replied 3 years ago.
Hello
In fact the burden should not be on you.
Has this child had help from any therapist?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

No not as yet

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 3 years ago.
OK
There are a number of possibilities here.
Simple emotional acting out because of the family dynamic.
The beginning of the formation of a personality disorder.
Contributing problems: ADHD, conduct disorder, etc.

That MUST be assessed by a clinical psychologist, a child psychologist.
And by the child's physician to make sure there are no physical inputs such as thyroid disease. Both practitioners need to be involved.

This is not self help and certainly not your job, as this needs professional intervention, and that is what you should be focusing on.

In addition, family therapy should be considered by the psychologist, as needed.

Use reply to let me know if you have further questions [click reply to expert].
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

How do I broach this subject with my partner? How do I convince him that he needs to speak to the mother and deal with this before it turns out even worse?

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 3 years ago.
I really recommend that you see the psychologist first, one who has training in family therapy, in order to present the entire situation.

This is often more powerful as it invites your partner in first, over the concern of the child.

Family therapy is more powerful for the child, and the child can have the individual assessments within this context.

So
The approach.
Find a PhD clinical psychologist who does family therapy and child assessments. Invite your partner to go with you. If your partner does not, then the therapist will help you develop a communicative strategy, for the sake of the child, and I doubt your partner would hold back at this point.

Use reply to let me know if you have further questions [click reply to expert].
Please do not forget a positive rating [hopefully you will click an excellent; or come back to ask me more as needed].