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Dr. Chip
Dr. Chip, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 31181
Experience:  20 yrs. in practice, includinge surgery, general medicine, addiction medicine and pain.
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My daughter has stopped liking my fiancé. We have been together

Resolved Question:

My daughter has stopped liking my fiancé. We have been together 2 and a half years. He has brought her up as his own. Her biological father, didn't have contact with her for the first year of mine and my partners relationship due to him being abusive and violent. We had over a years court battle, and now he sees her every other weekend. But everytime she was coming home, she was getting more and more distant with my partner, it's got to the point now where she won't look at him, or even talk to him unless she wants something. She says she doesn't like him, and he might hurt her. My partner had never hurt either of my children, and has a fantastic relationship with my other child, and always did with my little girl untill this court order. We are in pieces with what is happening and I am taking my ex partner back to court again to change the the court order as he is obviously brain washing my daughter. God only knows what he must be saying for her to have this reaction. I'm trying to get a child psychologist to talk to her to find out what he has being saying to her. Can you tell me what, and how or if you are able to get information out of a child that is nearly 4? Is there a way of questioning them to get information out. Because I have tried, and tried but cannot get a thing.

Thank you
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 3 years ago.
Hi--how long ago did she start saying he might hurt her? How much time does she spend with her biological father?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
She has only recently started saying he will hurt her. He has been seeing her every other weekend, but over the last few months he's had her for longer, he had her for 9 days over the Easter holidays, and he had her for 4 days over the bank holiday just gone
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 3 years ago.
OK Alan. Does she at least say how he might hurt her?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I asked her last week if my partner has ever hurt her and she said yes. He smacked me on the bum. Which is not true. Then I asked her ysday again and this time she said no, then I asked her again today because she was clinging to me refusing to go near my partner and she said no again. But said she didn't want to go to the play centre with him incase he hurt me. I just don't understand
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 3 years ago.
OK--another question--except for her behavior towards him nothing else has changed so far as with you and your other child?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
No nothing at all
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 3 years ago.
Definitely sounds like your ex is influencing her here Alan. A child psychologist is definitely needed here not only to evaluate her individually but also as a group with you and your fiance. There are very effective ways to interview a child and get information out of them--a good example is in the case of child abuse (not that I'm saying that's what the problem is here) where the child is reluctant to talk about the matter. I do think that with proper therapy with a psychologist she can be turned around and she will stop imagining that your fiance can in some way hurt her
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Do you think that the reason she won't say why she is afraid of my partner is because she's afraid of my ex partner?
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 3 years ago.
Actually I had considered that and, yes, it may be more than just a brainwashing issue here--she might actually be undergoing abuse from your ex
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