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DrRussMD
DrRussMD, Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 64363
Experience:  Board certified Internal medicine and Integrative medicine. Many years of experience all areas.
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hello, my question: i am an adult adoptee. the adoptive fami

Resolved Question:

Sorry! i googled ask a therapist and didn't realise this is a medial thing.

hello, my question: i am an adult adoptee. the adoptive family was invalidating/abusive - and i have massive attachment issues. i just moved to new city and connected with my half sisters. was the most amazing feeling of connection i've ever felt. they seemed pretty delighted too - indicated that they hoped i'd stay and that it was great to get to know each other. i invited them to my house for dinner but they couldn\t make the week i suggested. i understand this rationally but emotionally i want to shut down and never see them again. i didn't reveal my feelings to them - but acted like it's fine. i have the sense this is now going to be another fake meaningless acquaintance ... i had been longing to see them again since the last time. can you explain why i feel like this, and how to handle it. i really really don't want them to come to my house now or act open and true to them again..... thanks!

Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  DrRussMD replied 3 years ago.
Hello
Yes
This seems very regressed in fact.
There is no reason that they should initially come to your house and I don't see any sign of rejection from them in your story.
Why did you think that exactly?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

hi, sorry this is really confusing. you are medical doctor or a therapist?

what does mean regressed mean?

why did i think that? i thought was asking a therapist to explain my confusing response to this...

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 3 years ago.
I am a medical doctor and degreed in psychology.
I am trying to get a handle on what your problem is.
We don't do therapy on the site.
My question has to do with
a. what diagnosed conditions do you have if any.
b. this sounds like you were reacting as if you were rejected when in fact there is no indication of that....correct?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

a. i haven't been diagnosed w any condition

b. yes they haven't rejected me but i already know that its more important to me than to them so i want to leave the situation. or i feel strongly as if i do/

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 3 years ago.
OK
So I would say this stems from the abuse, emotional family issues that you have correctly identified.
I take it , that if you have no diagnosis, you have not had any therapy?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

hi, yes i have had therapy but wasn't given a diagnosis.

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 3 years ago.
OK
That's important
Do you know what type of therapy?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

yes it was CBT

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 3 years ago.
OK
Cognitive behavioral therapy.
For how long?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

it was online and for over a year

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 3 years ago.
OK
That is not going to work.
You are correct that the trauma of the past has a direct connection to your question.
By regressed, I mean you are viewing people currently in this situation as if they fit into the scenario of your past.
Emotionally you are caught up in that and they don't even have anything to do with it or know a thing about it.
The expectations and interpretations you have are not going to be appropriate to the degree of actual relationship you have with them.
Are you with me so far?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

yes thanks, ***** ***** with you, i understand that it is from the past and isn't healthy or appropriate but i am feeling and not sure how to handle it... so if you could advice me.. that would be great. it also starts feeling like i am acting with them so that they don't realise i am a half psycho with all these irrational issues?

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 3 years ago.
I would not expect you to handle it on your own.
I would find a PhD clinical psychologist/who is a therapist, who is trained in therapy but also EMDR. EMDR has shown to be very useful in early childhood trauma, and in releasing it, so that you don't take it into your relationships.
Map of The Emotions, is a good therapy to use with EMDR, as is CBT.
But in person.
Not on line.
EMDR requires that the therapist observe your reactions.
So does CBT and MOE.
Here is some information.
http://www.emdr.com/
Please use reply to expert if you have further questions. When you are ready, please click a positive rating [hopefully excellent]. If you forgot something, come back. I am here daily.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

okay thank you i will look into doing that. if you could follow up with one last piece of specific advice -- should i go ahead with the dinner next week or not? and just not mention the issues? i'm pretty sure i can act like it's fine (as i did when they said they couldn't make it)

Expert:  DrRussMD replied 3 years ago.
I would go without expectations.
And without interpretations.
The more you can do that....it is a start, potentially of a relationship...not something that is automatic.
It is one night, a beginning, not something that has obligations.
Please use reply to expert if you have further questions. When you are ready, please click a positive rating [hopefully excellent]. If you forgot something, come back. I am here daily.
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