This is Dr. David
yes, the spark can come back
but it can take work and effort from both people to be committed to the relationship.
both have to be willing to spend time together and to communicate and to give each other attention and energy.
if one party is not willing to put forth energy and commitment and communication, then the relationship will not work.
it sounds like your husband is loosing willingness to put forth energy and commitment to the relationship.
He just seems to think it is impossible to return the spark
well it is definitely possible
but both people have to but effort into it.
it is not just something which happens out of thin air.
the spark comes from time together, communication, focus of attention, energy and commitment.
he needs to understand this.
any marriage counselor will tell him this.
is he willing to go with you for marriage counseling for a few sessions before stepping away from this marriage?
it is definitely possible for the spark to return.
we have had a lot of stress lately and the death of his nana which he didn't grieve he has went to holistic therapy and the lady there told him he was soul dead what did see mean?? And could all this be the cause of our marriage problems?
I am not sure what she meant by he was soul dead.
everyone has a soul.
some people have a hard time expressing their feelings and their grief.
many men hold their emotions inside and this includes grief and anger and happiness and love and compassion
everyone has these emotions, but many people don't know how to express them with words or actions, especially men.
men and women can learn to express these emotions. it is a skill just like any other skill.
and with the proper teaching and practice he can learn to better express some of his emotions and feelings.
but he has to be willing to learn and try .
I am sorry about his loss of his nana
do you have any other questions?
He was out of the country a few weeks ago and had a one night stand this is the first time he has ever done anything like this and the guilt has been eating away at him could this add to why he thinks the marriage is dead?
he needs to express his feelings of guilt as well.
it sounds like he has way too many emotions bottled up inside of him.
he has guilt, grief, all stuck inside of him.
he needs to be able to talk to you or someone about these feelings.
until he is better able to express his feelings inside, it is anyones guess as to what he is thinking.
If he got help what are the chances of the marriage surviving?
if he got help and was better able to express his feelings, there is a good chance the marriage can be saved.
I wish you and him all the best.
let me know if you have other questions.
best of luck to you and him.
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Is this possible even though he thinks the marriage is now dead?
yes, it is possible to save the marriage even though he thinks the relationship is dead.
but he has to be willing to express his feelings and be willing to put effort into the relationship and talk to you
and express his feelings of guilt over the affair.
What should I do in the meantime as it's breaking my heart .. Do I wait until he has his counselling about his feelings sorted or do I walk away?
ask him if he is willing to go with you to marriage counseling.
you should both go to counseling together.
He has an appointment with a holistic therapist who wants to unblock all of his emotions . So should I let him work on that first before attending marriage counselling?
he can do both at the same time.
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i know he is full of grief and guilt and he has to let these go but I know he has a fear of going to marriage counselling and then maybe we he can't get the spark back and it will be prolonging the agony what are the realistic chances of getting the spark back in the marriage?
the chances are small, but not zero.
if he is not willing to change to express his feelings and leg go of grief and guilt and other bad emotions, then he might not be able to change and he might not be able to put in effort into the relationship.
it is really up to him.
And if he is willing to go for counselling what are the chances ??
still low, but better.
So before anything can be cured he must let go of the grief & guilt?
Ok thank you I will get back to you regarding any questions he wants to ask
you are welcome