How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. David Your Own Question

Dr. David
Dr. David, Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 43491
Experience:  Board Certified Physician
41363181
Type Your Medical Question Here...
Dr. David is online now

My husband of 18 years says he wants out of our marriage as

Resolved Question:

My husband of 18 years says he wants out of our marriage as he says the spark has gone. Can you ever get the spark back?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. David replied 2 years ago.
Dr. David :

This is Dr. David

Dr. David :

yes, the spark can come back

Dr. David :

but it can take work and effort from both people to be committed to the relationship.

Dr. David :

both have to be willing to spend time together and to communicate and to give each other attention and energy.

Dr. David :

if one party is not willing to put forth energy and commitment and communication, then the relationship will not work.

Dr. David :

it sounds like your husband is loosing willingness to put forth energy and commitment to the relationship.

Customer:

He just seems to think it is impossible to return the spark

Dr. David :

hello?

Dr. David :

well it is definitely possible

Dr. David :

but both people have to but effort into it.

Dr. David :

it is not just something which happens out of thin air.

Dr. David :

the spark comes from time together, communication, focus of attention, energy and commitment.

Dr. David :

he needs to understand this.

Dr. David :

any marriage counselor will tell him this.

Dr. David :

is he willing to go with you for marriage counseling for a few sessions before stepping away from this marriage?

Dr. David :

it is definitely possible for the spark to return.

Customer:

we have had a lot of stress lately and the death of his nana which he didn't grieve he has went to holistic therapy and the lady there told him he was soul dead what did see mean?? And could all this be the cause of our marriage problems?

Dr. David :

I am not sure what she meant by he was soul dead.

Dr. David :

everyone has a soul.

Dr. David :

some people have a hard time expressing their feelings and their grief.

Dr. David :

many men hold their emotions inside and this includes grief and anger and happiness and love and compassion

Dr. David :

everyone has these emotions, but many people don't know how to express them with words or actions, especially men.

Dr. David :

men and women can learn to express these emotions. it is a skill just like any other skill.

Dr. David :

and with the proper teaching and practice he can learn to better express some of his emotions and feelings.

Dr. David :

but he has to be willing to learn and try .

Dr. David :

I am sorry about his loss of his nana

Dr. David :

do you have any other questions?

Customer:

He was out of the country a few weeks ago and had a one night stand this is the first time he has ever done anything like this and the guilt has been eating away at him could this add to why he thinks the marriage is dead?

Dr. David :

he needs to express his feelings of guilt as well.

Dr. David :

it sounds like he has way too many emotions bottled up inside of him.

Dr. David :

he has guilt, grief, all stuck inside of him.

Dr. David :

he needs to be able to talk to you or someone about these feelings.

Dr. David :

until he is better able to express his feelings inside, it is anyones guess as to what he is thinking.

Customer:

If he got help what are the chances of the marriage surviving?

Dr. David :

if he got help and was better able to express his feelings, there is a good chance the marriage can be saved.

Dr. David :

I wish you and him all the best.

Dr. David :

let me know if you have other questions.

Dr. David :

best of luck to you and him.

Dr. David :

if done for now, please leave positive feedback below the chat box

Dr. David :

we only get credit for helping clients after positive feedback below.

Customer:

Is this possible even though he thinks the marriage is now dead?

Dr. David :

http://www.justanswer.com/medical/expert-dr-david/

Dr. David :

yes, it is possible to save the marriage even though he thinks the relationship is dead.

Dr. David :

but he has to be willing to express his feelings and be willing to put effort into the relationship and talk to you

Dr. David :

and express his feelings of guilt over the affair.

Customer:

What should I do in the meantime as it's breaking my heart .. Do I wait until he has his counselling about his feelings sorted or do I walk away?

Dr. David :

ask him if he is willing to go with you to marriage counseling.

Dr. David :

you should both go to counseling together.

Customer:

He has an appointment with a holistic therapist who wants to unblock all of his emotions . So should I let him work on that first before attending marriage counselling?

Dr. David :

he can do both at the same time.

Dr. David :

do you have any other questions?

Dr. David :

let me know if you have other questions.

if done for now, please leave positive rating below the chat box so I can get credit for helping you today

you can always reach me with "a question for Dr. David" if you have any other questions

here is my website if you need to reach me again:

http://www.justanswer.com/medical/expert-dr-david/

Thanks for using JustAnswers.com

Customer:

i know he is full of grief and guilt and he has to let these go but I know he has a fear of going to marriage counselling and then maybe we he can't get the spark back and it will be prolonging the agony what are the realistic chances of getting the spark back in the marriage?

Dr. David :

the chances are small, but not zero.

Dr. David :

if he is not willing to change to express his feelings and leg go of grief and guilt and other bad emotions, then he might not be able to change and he might not be able to put in effort into the relationship.

Dr. David :

it is really up to him.

Customer:

And if he is willing to go for counselling what are the chances ??

Dr. David :

still low, but better.

Customer:

So before anything can be cured he must let go of the grief & guilt?

Dr. David :

yes.

Customer:

Ok thank you I will get back to you regarding any questions he wants to ask

Dr. David :

you are welcome

Dr. David :

hello?











Dr. David, Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 43491
Experience: Board Certified Physician
Dr. David and 3 other Medical Specialists are ready to help you

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I feel so much better today, and upon further investigation believe that there is a chance that the responses I got saved me FROM a serious, even life threatening situation. I am very grateful to the experts who answered me. Susan O.
< Previous | Next >
  • I feel so much better today, and upon further investigation believe that there is a chance that the responses I got saved me FROM a serious, even life threatening situation. I am very grateful to the experts who answered me. Susan O.
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C.
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Family Physician

    Family Physician

    Doctor

    Satisfied Customers:

    2418
    GP with over 27 years experience including emergency medicine
< Previous | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/FA/FamilyPhysician/2013-8-31_191624_JA550x500Photo.64x64.jpg Family Physician's Avatar

    Family Physician

    Doctor

    Satisfied Customers:

    2418
    GP with over 27 years experience including emergency medicine
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DO/DoctorRich/2012-9-12_72454_Doctorweb.64x64.jpg Dr. Natasha's Avatar

    Dr. Natasha

    Doctor

    Satisfied Customers:

    7887
    American Board Certified in Emergency Medicine, Ivy League trained
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrK99/newpic2.64x64.jpg Dr. K.'s Avatar

    Dr. K.

    Board Certified MD

    Satisfied Customers:

    255
    Board certified with experience in primary care.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/agketch/2008-7-14_184046_drketchresized.jpg Dr. Ketch's Avatar

    Dr. Ketch

    Board Certified Physician

    Satisfied Customers:

    76
    Medical Degree, Former Assistant Professor at School of Medicine at Yale University
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/JA/JACUSTOMERjtu60wne/2011-2-14_183449_passportphoto2.64x64.jpg docwithheart's Avatar

    docwithheart

    Board Certified Physician

    Satisfied Customers:

    0
    Board certified pediatrician, with special experience in general pediatrics, hospital pediatrics, and pediatric cardiology
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/drappapo/2013-8-16_22576_drdavid.64x64.jpg Dr. David's Avatar

    Dr. David

    Board Certified Physician

    Satisfied Customers:

    224
    Treat children/young adults, former chief resident, multiple publications
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/TA/tazechip/2012-6-7_135230_drpic.64x64.png Dr. Chip's Avatar

    Dr. Chip

    Board Certified Physician

    Satisfied Customers:

    12373
    20 yrs. in practice, includinge surgery, general medicine, addiction medicine and pain.
 
 
 

Related Medical Questions