How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dr. David Your Own Question
Dr. David
Dr. David, Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 45977
Experience:  Board Certified Physician
41363181
Type Your Medical Question Here...
Dr. David is online now

Hi Im worried about my ex-partner. We were together for 8

Customer Question

Hi I'm worried about my ex-partner. We were together for 8 years & for the last 3yrs he's been living a double life. He was my best friend for over 20yrs & I feel very betrayed. All he said to me was he didn't know why he did it, was very upset with the other girl for ruining his life & maintains he loves me. We are not together anymore.
- He changed from a loving man with some insecurity issues into someone I don't recognise.
- He was always accusing me of cheating or lying throughout the realtionship. But in fact it was him.
- Always seemed to mirror this attitude with other things, projecting negativity to me which was in fact a reflection of himself.
- I was criticised & put down.
- He would start arguments, blame me, dissapear to his flat, but went to his double life.
- Would disrespect me in front of the kids, blaming me with effecting the kids if i got upset by it, or blame me if its in public. Sometimes seemed to me he did it on purpose to discredit me somehow.
- Constantly lied & covered up.
- After arguments would turn up like nothing has happened & not talk about it.
- It seemed to all start after our child was born.
- He is obsessed with the health & safety of our child to the point it's just not rational & to my detrement.
- He is obsessed with thinking negatively about me & my motives.
- If we go to the doctors with our child, the conversation will turn to his ailments & how these can be associated with our child.
- Always trying to gain sympathy through his ailments.
- 6months after our child was born when he started his double life, we had an argument because he was never home & he broke my ankle.
- Has never apologised, has no empathy & is detached from our feelings.
- Does nothing but blame me if I try & bring it up. Won't talk about it.
- Claims he has no friends but he has.
- He smokes cannabis from morning to night & has done for many years.
- The person he was involved in was bi-polar.
We have all been effected by it & if we didn't have a child I could dis-associate myself & heal. But I can't. I'm hoping by understanding more, I can move on. I have no choice but to be strong.
I've blamed myself, reacted in anger, can't trust anyone, but it's getting better. He wants more involvement with his child with overnight stays. I can't trust him to be honest about where he takes her, the environment she is in & am worried there may be an under-lined personality disorder.
Thanks
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. David replied 3 years ago.
Dr. David :

This is Dr. David

Dr. David :

from your description and the situation, he could very well have an underlying personality disorder.

Dr. David :

it sounds like he has definitely been projecting alot of issues onto you.

Dr. David :

and his constant marijuana use doesn't help either.

Dr. David :

I would trust your instincts about not trusting him with your child.

Dr. David :

it sounds like he could also be suffering from excessive anxiety or OCD and is poorly treating it with his cannabis use.

Dr. David :

or he could have a boarderline personality disorder or boarderline personality traits.

Customer:

He has said himself that he suffers from anxiety. His obsessive behavior is repetitive. He can't cope with normal life or being without cannabis. I deem this as an addiction. He is a loving father & I am allowing him to visit his daughter at my home. But in regards ***** ***** consistancy & honesty he can't be trusted. I am waiting for talking therapy myself, the mornings are the worse times for me where I just cry. I would like to be away from the situ but can't because of our daughter. It just seems to make it harder, the hurt kinda drags on. I'm just immersing myself in yoga & meditation in order to keep a sense of peace.

Dr. David :

I see.

Dr. David :

I suspected anxiety disorder or OCD and self treatment with cannabis.

Customer:

Any other recommendations for myself? & any suggestions to how this can be approached with him?

Dr. David :

I am glad you are getting yourself into therapy a

Dr. David :

and are doing yoga

Dr. David :

it doesn't sound like he is ready to see a doctor and get his anxiety disorder and OCD properly treated with prescription medication.

Dr. David :

it sounds like he wants to continue to take cannabis which is not really that great of a treatment for anxiety disorder and OCD.

Customer:

No I didn't think he would be ready. Cannabis makes it worse if anything. Think its best we concentrate on ourselves. thank you for your feedback & confirming my thoughts :)

Dr. David :

you are welcome

Dr. David :

best of luck to you and your child

Dr. David :

let me know if you have other questions.

Dr. David :

if done for now please leave positive feedback below

Customer:

thank you

Dr. David :

we only get credit for helping clients after positive feedback

Dr. David :

http://www.justanswer.com/medical/expert-dr-david/http://www.justanswer.com/medical/expert-dr-david/

Dr. David :

http://www.justanswer.com/medical/expert-dr-david

Dr. David :

is my website if you need to reach me again.

Dr. David :

thanks for using JustAnswer.com

Dr. David and 2 other Medical Specialists are ready to help you

Related Medical Questions