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Dr. Chip
Dr. Chip, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 32242
Experience:  20 yrs. in practice, includinge surgery, general medicine, addiction medicine and pain.
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I wrote to you in February this year regarding the situation

Customer Question

I wrote to you in February this year regarding the situation we have with our Narcissistic son-in-law and our daughter and the diagnosis by the Psychologist was that my daughter had a dependent relationship.
She has today returned a birthday present to me with a card telling me "I would love for things to be the way they once were and to have a Mum & Dad but this cannot happen until Mum gets help for her mental health".
How should I react to this?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 3 years ago.
Hi--I remember talking to you before but since I don't have a way to access our previous discussion can you just briefly remind me about the previous problem?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

The problem is my son-in-law - your diagnosis was that he has NPD and my daughter is dependent on him. They have three children who we try to keep in touch with, but it is very difficult. I am blamed for everything - he calls me a 'fruit-loop' and I am the one who has mental problems.

We visited them at Christmas and things did not go well - I found out that he is assaulting the eldest boy (putting his hands around his neck) but they had already banned us from the house (reason - I had Bronchitis!) so we were powerless to do anything for our grandson, though I told my son-in-law that we were aware what had happened and that I would dob him in to the authorities. The youngest (granddaughter) told us, very innocently, what had happened. My daughter does not realise that he is the problem and I am blamed for everything and she thinks I need to be assessed for my mental health problems.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 3 years ago.
OK Peggy--now I remember. What exactly has your daughter said--in her opinion--are your mental health problems?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

She doesn't explain this - she just says "Mum needs to get help for her mental health".

I think he (son-in-law) suggests this and has done for many years, so she thinks the same way.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 3 years ago.
OK. My suggestion now would be for you to do nothing about this--don't try to respond to her note in any way since it could make things worse. Unfortunately, at least for now, it sounds as though you'll have to let go and not communicate with her unless she contacts you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Are you a psychiatrist or a psychologist? Could I speak to one please if you do not have these qualifications. Thank you.

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 3 years ago.
I'm neither Peggy but if I opt out of this question it will only refer you to the medical experts here and not a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I suggest you post a new question in the Psychiatry section if you want more help
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

OK

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 3 years ago.
Take care