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Ask Dr. Charogat Your Own Question

Dr. Charogat
Dr. Charogat, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 1802
Experience:  Licensed in both NYS and NJ with experience in surgery and medicine.
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We have been married for 20 years and for the last 4 years

Customer Question

We have been married for 20 years and for the last 4 years I have been going through the menopause and lost my mum. I became distant didn't give my husband what he needed and felt \i wasn't getting what I needed. We carried on and he told me recently that he loves me so much but doesn't feel the spark anymore is it too late for us I love him so much and can't imagine not being with him. Would counselling help or are there other ways to fix this. He also told me he has visited a prostitute but I know I pushed him to that and do not hold it against him. Please help me
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. Charogat replied 2 years ago.
Dr.Customer:

Hi, and thank you for coming here with your question.

Dr.Customer:

I think that you ABSOLUTELY need to give therapy - both marital as well as you (or each of you - given the fact that he's been to a prostitute) having individual therapy.

Dr.Customer:

You have been married for a long time, and you both still love each other. There is absolutely something to save. And the sooner you do it the better!

Dr.Customer:

Are you still there?

JACUSTOMER-9ck9y2fi- :

Sorry yes I also suffer depression which has been difficult for him to deal with I have read so many conflicting theories that it will or won't work and I am very confused I love him so much

Dr.Customer:

This is something that therapy can help with!

Dr.Customer:

You might also be helped by antidepressant medication - but that alone will not be good enough.

JACUSTOMER-9ck9y2fi- :

If he says he wants to try counselling too does that mean he thinks we can get past everything

Dr.Customer:

It sounds like you've gotten to the point that you really need to be able to both sit down and talk with a third party.

JACUSTOMER-9ck9y2fi- :

ok I will look into a suitable local counsellor

Dr.Customer:

It definitely sounds like that.

Dr.Customer:

You are telling me the situation. You are telling me that you both still love each other. And you are telling me you both want to save your marriage. You are telling me that not only do you both want to save your marriage but you are both willing to do what it takes - including seeing a counselor - in order to make that happen.

JACUSTOMER-9ck9y2fi- :

I feel like everything is falling apart and I am so scared

Dr.Customer:

If I were you I'd run - not walk - to find a therapist.

JACUSTOMER-9ck9y2fi- :

I will thank you

Dr.Customer:

You made a good first move by coming here to see if someone who doesn't know you thinks that there is something that might help.

Dr.Customer:

I'm sorry you are feeling so awful, but I really think that you guys are the ideal candidates for marriage counseling, and that you are the kind of couple who can continue to have a long, happy marriage.

JACUSTOMER-9ck9y2fi- :

I really hope your right thanks again

Dr.Customer:

no problem! I'd love to have you come back and follow up with me. I am VERY hopeful about this.

JACUSTOMER-9ck9y2fi- :

I would like you to know the outcome too my email address is *****@******.***

JACUSTOMER-9ck9y2fi- :

You have given me a slither of hope and I appreciate that

Dr.Customer:

Unfortunately this site doesn't let us share emails. your email shows up as ****@*****.***(

Dr.Customer:

But you can come back to this conversation without being charged again.

Dr.Customer:

G-d Bless.

Dr.Customer:

I'm sure it will work out well!

Dr.Customer:

I don't think I've ever heard of a couple that would benefit from therapy more than you do.

Dr.Customer:

I need to leave the computer for about five minutes. Can you hold? Or are you finished with the conversation for now?

JACUSTOMER-9ck9y2fi- :

I'm ok for now going to look up counsellors

Dr.Customer:

Okay.

Dr.Customer:

G-d Bless

Dr.Customer:

I hope I've given you excellent service today.

JACUSTOMER-9ck9y2fi- :

Thank you so much wish me luck

Dr.Customer:

All the luck in the world! But I think you'll be successful even without luck :)

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