Meds prescribed for OCD.
My diary explaining my predicament:
"Risperidone 10mg 1 day
Olanzapine 2.5mg-15mg 2 weeks
Withdrawel 6 weeks + gradually worsening
The effect of these neuroleptics, was like putting cement into my blood. It was as if the blood flow (or whatever that flow into the head is) into my head+mind was blocked up with some sort of metallic cement, so compared to before where I could think instantaneously by flowing blood into my head by simply tensing the scalp, after each dose it was as if there was cement in the blood flow where I could only slowly tense my way to a thought and between thoughts. For 3 days after the last dose the effects steadily diminished (as they had done after each dose). Then, unexpectedly as the psychiatrist assured without doubt they would wear off, the effects steadily increased and have continued to increase since, to the point now, 6 weeks since ingestion, the effects are at their strongest (on a percentage scale, where just after ingesting the last dose the effects were at 100%, the effects have now reached ~1000%). Now it's like the cement is hardened/dried in my blood where I can barely tense blood into my head. I'm pretty sure it's the olanzapine still in me causing the effect as I taste the tablets' floury acid flavour from time to time.
I scoured the internet for examples of people returning to the way they were previously after anti-psychotics, and found nothing concrete, nor convincing, only 2 or 3 people reporting improvement/recovery out of a massive pool of people suffering the same effects as me (blocked access to brain/creativity/memory/emotions/sex-drive), many of which posting they would update their progress.
1 week later – effects are getting stronger+stronger. [Didn’t mention before- since beginning using Olanzapine the effects kick in a bit (to the degree of somewhere around 1/3 of the strength of after swallowing a tablet) when eating, after the first dose of Olanzapine I noticed when eating there was an instant (whilst swallowing) kick in effect of the original effects of the olanzapine (clog) which has continued everytime I eat since (clog gets more clogged). So whilst clog seems to be becoming more clogged at a steady rate over time, it also seems to be additionally clogged after eating.] Almost as if complete cloggage is on the horizon so to speak – what seems like circulation route, including route to brain, is more and more clogged all the time and is only becoming travelible at a slower and slower speed. It has gone beyond feeling like cement to now it is starting to be as if some frothy floury tasting substance (the taste of the olanzapine) is clogging the tubes up as if the olanzapine has cemented+frothed/aired in my tubes.
Few days later – effects ever stronger, now sense as if cemented channels will occur in the nearish future as the circulation effect seems to be becoming so hard and dense.
Next day – remember at first, when there was this clogging effect, where the flow would be met with resistance and the more you tried to push the flow the more it would come to a halt, the more it came to a halt and the pressure increased there were points of most pressure where there would be pops, as the effect got stronger and the pressure got higher the pops became rips, as the effects got stronger the pops then rips became more frequent.
Hours later – so so strong now, as if constant ripping/crunching sensation, so clogged, can’t use brain virtually at all, tiny tiny husk of brain available, very difficult to access, very difficult to string thoughts together, virtually no emotion whatsoever, continuing trend, getting worse and worse, effects more and more strong.. (scalp pain+front of head throbbing getting more intense - forgot to mention those before, but they started to come on as the effects got stronger about 2 weeks after last dose of med).
Hours later – now can’t remember things said just moments ago. Finding it impossible to string thoughts together, as if only a wish washy husk of brain access left."
(theory 1– mesolimbic pathway clog. theory 2 - blood flow into frontal lobe blocked. theory 3- dopamine/serotonin and other receptors blocked, though does not explain why stronger with time..)
Just want to speak to someone who is knowledgable about the brain who can theorize about some brain systems which could potentially fit this description and possible solutions. Might be worth going through postmortem studies analysing brain changes in people who've taken antipsychotics.