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Dr. Chip
Dr. Chip, Board Certified Physician
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 31212
Experience:  20 yrs. in practice, includinge surgery, general medicine, addiction medicine and pain.
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How to help my son who is (by my and his wife view) became

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How to help my son who is (by my and his wife view) became alcohol dependent, but he denies that and is very aggressive so we can't discuss any of those matters with him.
He is 35 years old, works, married, they have a baby. Having one son only we try to help him with everything, including his mortgage, but recently recognised his financial position is also out of control.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 2 years ago.
Hi. How exactly is his financial position out of control? And in what way exactly is he alcohol dependent?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

He’s got a long standing habit to start a work early morning (he works as a manager at supermarket and now lives home at ~5 am), sleeps after work (5pm -8pm) and drinks late evening (11pm-1am). He did this every day. Now after hard pressure from his wife he drinks (every other day, or something like that) of 1-2 bottles of vine (before he drank a lot of bear). He denies that he has alcohol addiction, but doesn’t deny that he drinks for 17 years. My impression his aggression is a result of drinking and he is always tired, doesn’t want to communicate with family, no social contact except internet and a pub with “friends”.

We gave him the deposit to buy a flat and he taken a mortgage (for 30-ty years!?). He pays the mortgage (~£600 monthly). Later he received some money (£40k) from his grandma for his mortgage to repay, but later we recognised that he didn’t repay anything, but has a few additional loans (he has also the student loan).

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 2 years ago.
OK Lyuba--what did you mean by hard pressure from his wife?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I am not sure which words exactly she used, but she was horrified finding after marriage he drinks every day and so much... I am sure she used a very general approaches such as discussing, asking, begging and finally threatening him to leave him…

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 2 years ago.
And how did he respond to her threat of leaving him? And do you think she meant that?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I’ve already mention about his response- he may drink every other day, but his behaviour not improved except this, because on a day he doesn’t drink he is very unhappy with her and everything around…

Does she mean to divorce him? Afraid one day it could happen, as she definitely deserves better family... it is difficult to imagine today the situation that a successful woman (who she was before marriage) would sacrifice her life for husband who doesn’t appreciate her in any way…

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 2 years ago.
OK Lyuba--and we can continue after this if you'd like. The problem with the denial factor in alcoholism is that it's not like the person knows he has a problem and consciously denies it--he really doesn't think he has a problem. The only thing that sometimes can turn things around is the consequences of his drinking--financial, personal, legal, or health. You can arrange an intervention where the entire family sits down with him to discuss their concerns, but that may not be effective. If his wife makes certain he knows she will leave if he doesn't seek help for his drinking problem that may turn him around. Unfortunately, many times all the family can do is leave him alone--don't help him financially, don't bail him out of problems, and let the decline continue until he finally comes to his senses
Dr. Chip and 2 other Medical Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you,

your answer makes some sense to me...

regards,

Lyuba

Expert:  Dr. Chip replied 2 years ago.
My pleasure but let me know how it goes and please remember to rate my service to you

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