Hi. We can continue after this if you'd like
It definitely sounds like you have a major low self-esteem problem and you may well be bipolar too.
What has the counselor and psychiatric nurse had to say about this?
I'm too ashamed to admit to some of the things I have gotten into (nothing illegal), but I seem to get some kind of "rush" out of humiliating myself. I usually have an urge to do it when something positive happens to me. My psychiatric nurse is reluctant to refer me to a psychiatrist because he thinks I am doing ok.
But as soon as something good happens I want to turn it around by making myself feel bad. It is akin to OCD I think.
Is there any way I can do this without a GP? I have missed a few appointments due to depression already and am reluctant to go back in.
No, never have been.
I thought St Johns Wort didn't count because its herbal. The urges don't go away when I take it. I feel like I need something to sedate my mind. Maybe Mirtazapine? My friend says its really good.