I understand. This is a matter of forgiving yourself and moving on which is not easy to do. For one thing you should reconnect with your friends since by yourself the guilt and shame only festers. Here's a link that should help for now if you'll follow the instructions
If you need to continue after this, please just let me know
Yes of course I did
So none of that eased the shame at all?
no none of it. What do I do?
Well, at this point you need a new therapist since it doesn't seem that trying to deal with this on your own is going to be enough Joanne
You need an empathic professional with whom you can share all this and who will interact with you over several sessions
Isn't that what your for?
Well we really can't do therapy this way. And an over the internet type of therapy is never as effective as face-to-face one-on-one therapy.
Let me ask you this--why can't you forgive yourself?
That is a very good question.
Because I can't forgive myself
Can't, or won't?
Do you think no one else could forgive you either?
My family have been supportive
I don't know. I have brothers and sisters in the Police yet I can't forgive what I did, I ruined me