No, I live with my husband. I am finding it difficult to see her the way she is, I am also finding it hard living with her when she has such an upside down routine, she is asleep all day and awake all night as it is due to pain her sleep is messed up. So when we have been at work all day, it is the mental side of keeping going to be able to look after her that I would like advice on, as it is very draining working a 10 and a half hour shift and not getting to bed until nearly midnight then being awake again at 6am.
She gets hurt when my husband looks in on her if I am too tired and go to bed, so I then feel bad for feeling tired. She wants you to talk to her when I am half asleep and I can't focus on anything she is saying at that time of night, so I would like to know how I can make this easier for me to deal with so I can still be there for her without over doing things myself, as I still need to be alert for work due to the nature of my job, working with children.
My husband and I share the caring role, however sometimes she expects alot from me, and I want to have the energy to give her that care.
This is only for a short time while we await her visa application,
I don't have anger towards her, as I wouldn't wish her situation upon anyone, I just get frustrated at the whole situation, and she gets angry at her life, so she takes it out on me, and then I get upset, and feel like I am not being helpful.
She is ego centric, and has no awareness of what other people have going on round about them, as long as they are there for her she can't physically and mentally focus on anything else, and that is what I find the hardest to deal with as that is when I feel annoyed the most, when she doesn't consider others, which isn't her fault, and she was never like that before. I feel like holding my feelings in is starting to get to me. I find that arguing with her gets me nowhere so the best thing to do is to say nothing, but then she gets away with saying things that hurt other people.
So in a way I am angry at her in those situations but I am not angry at why she is angry if that makes sense.
I don't think I would be brave enough to say that to her myself, I feel that would be more for my mum and dad to say that to her.
My husband and I just moved into our house six months ago, and we are still finding ways for things to work, and she has bought things and not told us and put them in places, not mentioning anything expecting we are going to like them etc.. this caused an argument between me and my mum because my mum feels guilty that she is stuck here so why shouldn't she feel like she is living at home? But I get told I am being selfish because I would have rather her told us she bought them with it being our house.
I can't think about myself because of everything she is going through and that is what I keep getting told. This is very stressful for me. It is like we are having to sacrifice our own stamp on the house while she is here? I would like to know how best to deal with all this mentally in my head so that I don't cause fall outs at the time when our family needs to be strong together
I speak to my husband and one of my best friends who are both very good at giving their truthful most honest opinons. It is more how to keep focused on dealing with being tired and caring for someone else ? What can I do to make this easier?
yeah that is what I was thinking, and alot of patience, finding the patience at times can be difficult, I just wish I could discuss things with my mum but I fear us falling out everytime I bring anything up to do with my sister, so it is like her way of dealing with it, is just saying just deal with it I want no involvement if I am not there.
I am planning on starting riding lessons to give me a distraction as I think this will help.
It is just alot to be dealing with at once, any advice on how to deal with the aftermath after she leaves? as I will probably feel like I have been on an adrenaline rush ? what would you suggest to wind the brain down from everything that we have had to deal with ?
Thank you for your help, one final question, how do I help my mum, because she is obviously finding it hard as a mother to not be here and help and feels guilty me and my husband having to do it. She doesn't like hearing about the arguments, as she usually sides with my sister, so I would like to find a way of communicating about it with her about things with her feeling guilty about hearing things?
yeah it is probably best, ***** ***** asked earlier if I ever mentioned to my sister about her being ego centric, do you think it is at any point needing to be brought to her attention and do you feel that it should be one of us or a doctor who makes her aware of it ?
My sister is a very controlling character, and stubborn character, she tends to have a reason for everything she does and why she does them so if it is one of us how would you describe to someone that is ego centric that they are ego centric?
I don't know about the personality disorder, what makes you say that?
She has admitted herself that she needs to speak to someone as she has been the one dealing with it all and coping with her pain and life in general with pain, but its something that will get sorted out when she is over there, she may speak to someone here in the meantime, but the positive side is that we have had that side of the conversation.
I was surprised she agreed with me on that tbh. Can the personality thing be caused by her way of how she is coping with everything? And she is on alot of pain killers too which wont be helping matters.
yeah, I will bring up the subject with her and ask if she has thought anymore about seeing someone here at least for a couple of sessions before she goes back the states, as we are still not sure how that will work out. Thank you so much for your help and advice, is there a way of speaking to yourself if I need advice on any other situations while she is here ? As I find it easier talking to the same people without having to explain my situation more than once?