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Ask Dr. D. Love Your Own Question
Dr. D. Love
Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 18765
Experience:  Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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Ive found out 9 years ago that one of my parents are cheating

Resolved Question:

Ive found out 9 years ago that one of my parents are cheating on the other. It seriously has affected myself and im trying to be strong as i have my own family to raise. I have spoken to my parents to sort it out but still going on and i feel as if im getting black mailed into not getting help even thought they know how i feel. What should i do?.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 1 year ago.
Hello from JustAnswer.
I am sorry that you are having such family problems.
Could you clarify what is causing you to feel as though you are getting blackmailed into not getting help?
What is threatened to happen if you get help?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
When i speak about my feelings to my parents i say i need someone to talk to. I didnt know if a trip to the doctors would help. And had told my dad i was going to give them a call and all he can say is please dont if you love me. It just hurts when they know what this situation is causing for me.
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 1 year ago.
It is still unclear how your father would even know if you were to seek help for someone to talk to.
In general, there is no single answer for how to approach difficult family situations. However, your primary responsibility is to yourself and your immediate family. If you feel that you need to seek help, then you should seek help, regardless of whether your father has an issue with it.
It is also appropriate for you to define clear limits of what you are willing to do or tolerate. Common limits of an adult child of parents having marital difficulties is refusing to be dishonest with either parent, including refusing to keep secrets of one parents infidelities or specific dates or encounters.
On the other hand, you cannot force your parents to resolve these issues if they do not otherwise want to do so. The only person over whom you have control is yourself, so the only person whose behavior you can realistically change is your own. If they are unwilling to address the difficulty, then you need to achieve acceptance that they are unwilling to do so. Achieving that level of acceptance may be easier if you were to seek help, which is another reason why you should seek help.
So, it would be appropriate for you to seek help, regardless of what your father says, and it would be appropriate to set limits, although the specific limits will vary according to the individual and the family.
If I can provide any clarification, please let me know.
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