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DrRussMD
DrRussMD, Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 64977
Experience:  Board certified Internal medicine and Integrative medicine. Many years of experience all areas.
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Can I please ask, to what degree to you think "fear of

Resolved Question:

Can I please ask, to what degree to you think "fear of intimacy" is a real thing...as in something that could significantly affect a person's actions?

I have just been involved in a very difficult relationship, with a man who pursued me for over a year and then as soon as we begun to get close he introduced every possible means he could to block anything from ever really happenning.

For perhaps 4 weeks we enjoyed the most wonderful relationship, which was everything he had wanted for so long, but instead of being happy he soon begun to be destructive.

Simply by going quiet and absent from my life for days and then coming back as if nothing happenned.

Being evasive about simple things, like exchanging what we had done that day.

Bringing negativity into things ("you live so far away").

And most hurtfully...seemingly flirting with others.

When I left the relationship, he was miserable and fought over many months to get me to come back, going as far as to travel the two hours to tell me face to face he missed me, writing letters about how he felt and working very hard at getting closer and reestablishing a bond and trust -only to be found logging onto a dating website within a day or two :(

I'd stress this man is not a player as far as know (he has only had one girlfriend before) and he admits to intimacy issues which he says are down to two alcoholic parents and abandonment from the only girlfriend he has ever had.

Would something like this cause such destructive behavior?

Chasing after something and seeming to want it so much only to destroy it?

Or if he just a very selfish and manipulative person who has seen this as a fun game?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  DrRussMD replied 1 year ago.
HelloYes this is a real issue, but not something you can sort out for him. At best, ***** ***** both go into therapy together, if that works for him, and he can reveal and work out this issue in therapy.Otherwise the same thing is likely to repeat itself. OK, so that is an initial answer….Please use reply to expert if you have further questions. When you are ready, please click a positive rating [hopefully excellent]. If you forgot something, come back. I am here daily.
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