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Ask Dr. D. Love Your Own Question
Dr. D. Love
Dr. D. Love, Doctor
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 18458
Experience:  Family Physician for 10 years; Hospital Medical Director for 10 years.
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I found my husbands journal on the family computer and the

Resolved Question:

I found my husbands journal on the family computer and the content has deeply upset me
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 1 year ago.
I am sorry that you have been upset.How can we be of assistance?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The journal that I found is from 2013. I have been with my husband since 2002 and we were married last year. We have had tough times as my disabled mum has lived with me for 23 years ( she went into a home in 2014) and I have teenage boys. He left me for a week in 2013 but we worked it out and he asked to marry me. Much of this concerned him not having his own children, however he did not want them all the years we have been together. Now I am too old. The journals are over 3 years and contain comments about my abilities as a mother . I do work long hours. He states his biggest loss when he leaves me would be the big house where he can play his Jazz and that he was planning to leave in 2015. At the time He didn't discuss these things with me. I am now worried he has thoughts like this now and that we are living a lie. He spends a lot of time on his own with his music and creates catalogues of pornography ( which I know about and tolerate). Our honeymoon was a disaster as he was so stressed and angry. He has had counselling in the past. I am quite strong however am feeling shocked and vulnerable right now. I have confronted him. He said this was a long time ago when things were really bad and that he loves me. Do you think I should leave it there? Thanks
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 1 year ago.
I would usually recommend some level of couples counseling when something like this comes to light, but there is no single answer that would be appropriate for all couples. For couples that feel that they are able to talk about these issues honestly and address these issues directly, then couples counseling may not be necessary. But for many couples, when one of the couple has not been willing to discuss significant relationship issues that have arisen to this point, it is reasonable to suspect that there will be a similar difficulty when other situations arise in the future. Even if all of the issues that were present in the journal are solidly in the past, it is certain that new issues will arise, as this is true for all couples, and patterns of communication (or failure of communication), that have been established to this point are likely to continue if not addressed, and counseling would be a good method to address these communication issues. So, I would think that pursuing couples counseling would be appropriate in this situation.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your advice. I will look into couples counselling. Can you make any recommendations as to which organisations to approach?
Expert:  Dr. D. Love replied 1 year ago.
I do not have a recommendation for a specific organization. The Relate organization appears to be widespread and looks to be good, but there are likely many good options available in cities of any size.
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