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wieyedoc, Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 10583
Experience:  Over two decades of clinical practice. Completed a medical internship in New York City
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Dear Doctor, I have a very unstable, extremely distressed

Customer Question

Dear Doctor,
I have a very unstable, extremely distressed young woman living my house. She is six months pregnant with my son's child. She is from Sweden. She has 4 children. 3 are in care in Sweden, 1 is in the Lebanon. She has a criminal record for assault on her first husband. My son so regrets the decisions made and is breaking down a lot. He was going to marry her in September but has realised he can't spend his life with someone so emotionally and mentally unstable. She has hit my son and punched him in the face. We have heard her scream at him. My son has told her that he doesn't want to marry her and she is devastated and at times crying uncontrollably. She has threatened suicide. She has made attempts in the past but I don't know how serious. My son actually knows that he doesn't want to spend his life. With her but at times says he loves her and want s to look after her and is quite broken. He is desperately worried about the baby. He was so thrilled about becoming a Dad but it didn't seem to be planned and he was in shock at first. He wants to be a Dad to the baby but Sanna has threatened to go back to Sweden and never let him see the baby. I think there is a good chance that if she does ho back the baby would be taken into care. Kris would apply for custody and I would always support him. This would have been my first grandchild and I was so happy now it feels like we are living through a nightmare.
I was supporting Kris and Sanna and they were living with me while he looked for work. They have been with me for 6 weeks and over that time Kris has gradually told me more things about his relationship with Sanna. I have become increasingly concerned. I knew about the children, I knew that she had been diagnosed with aspergers at 14 but if my son really loved her I was prepared to do anything to help but of course when I heard about the violence and her very erratic behaviour I no longer can support them in this venture. When my son talks of staying with her I tell him he will have to go to social services to attempt to find housing etc. It would be his choice.
I have nothing against anyone with aspergers although I know it can make love hard for them. I was a special needs teacher and metamu children and families. I would say that Sanna struggles at time with this. She avoids eye contact, rarely initiates a conversation, is unable to answer simple questions about choices. But her difficulties seem to be very complex and frightening to deal with. She is incredibility focuszed on herself and her needs and furious if thwarted. My son cannot discuss any thing with her or disagree in any way. I know she is pregnant but this is more than just hormonal.
Sorry this is too long. I think Sanna needs to be cared for for her sake and that of her child. I would be happy to do that but am way out of my depth. I have wonderful friends and family including a lovely ex husband who loves his son. He slept in the house last night as my son was worried about my safety. My son is staying up the road with my brother because they tried to talk about things yesterday but it ended up with her ranting at him and the n running down our drive shouting and screaming. Me and a lovely neighbour managed to calm her down and get her home.
I suppose what I would like to know from you is can I ring mental health services on her behalf and my own of course because I am worried sick about her and the baby. I have spoken to my GP and he has been helpful but I don't think anyone wants to help unless the actual person themself calls we are seeing a solicitor this afternoon to see what my son's rights might be as a Dad. The local children's centre are being very supportive and we will speak more to them.
Can I call mental health services and ask for their help.
Sorry this is so long. I am pretty desperate.
Yours sincerely
Christine Kosunen
Submitted: 2 months ago.
Category: Medical
Expert:  wieyedoc replied 2 months ago.

Hi. My name is***** and I am online and available to help you today. Thank you for your patience.

Question and answer is just one of the services I offer. I can also provide you with premium services, such as live telephone or skype consultation, at a small additional cost. Let me know if you are interested.

Are you sure your son is the father?

Do you know if she has any other medical problems or take any medications?

This is not an answer, but an Information Request. I need this information to answer your question. Please reply, so I can answer your question. I look forward to helping you.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Sorry, things so hectic here that not even checking my e mails. My son is pretty sure he is the Dad but I would not be totally surprised if he weren't . There will need to be some sort of paternity test but we can't broach this with Sanna at present. Since writing to you there have been a lot of things happening and maybe some progress is being made but I don't know what is what anymore. My head and my son's head are pretty messed up at present.
Since my son has told Sanna that he can't marry her she has become more crazy. She has posted terrible rants about us on Facebook. I apparently am 'psycho bitch' and 'monster in law' and that is mild compared to the rest of the content. My son is worried for my safety although I don't think Sannawould physically attach me unless I got into a face to face argument. I am sleeping with things behind the door. My ex husband is staying with us.
Sanna's behaviour is totally crazy, calling me and my son terrible things on Facebook one minute and appearing to be relatively sane the next and saying how much she loves him and would do absolutely anything to put things right. Yesterday she wrote a long diatribe, which read like something out a cheap magazine, although I must say that her English is excellent and her imagination warped but very clever. She has transferred all of her hatred to me and it seems to knows
now bounds. I don't really mind any of this rubbish as Sanna seems to be such a tragic individual and totally unbalanced if not psychotic. I shouldn't use those terms as am not totally sure of meaning. But in laymen's terms she is completely bonkers.
We are progressing. We have talked to a lovely solicitor, who identified what my son has gone through as bad domestic abuse. As regards ***** ***** baby, who my son is desperate to be a father too. He does not think Sanna would be a good mother even if she was safe to be around the child unsupervised. If the baby is born here it would be British and probably easier for Kris to get parental rights but then Sanna would still be around and I can't see Sanna ever leaving him alone, although given her track record with children she is likely to move on to another poor man and be pregnant again very quickly.
My son seems to have decided that it would be best for Sanna to go back to Sweden and she apparently has said this herself in saner moments. Our solicitor said that it still might be possible for our son to get parental rights and custody but of course a lot more complicated.
Sanna is at our house, mostly in her bedroom. I offer her meals, which she refuses sometimes by completely ignoring me. She is free to come and go and took herself into town on Friday to shopping. She has no cash but a credit card. She doesn't know the pin but can swipe and sign. Today we have a plan to give her some cash so she can go to the beach cafe as I worry about her health.
Yesterday I called the community police, hoping for some help. Poor police they get lumbered with everything. They could remove her from my home if she refused to leave and if she was threatening or violent I could call 999 and mental health would get involved.The solicitor said she could have pregnancy psychosis or maybe it is the pregnancy hormones making her condition worse. She needs medical help but don't think she will see a doctor voluntarily.
My son is being great but his state of mind is not good. Think he will need professional help to cope. He is speaking quite freely to professionals nd trusted friends about what has happened and listening to advice but this is a terrible thing that has happened. He is seeing a counsellor tomorrow morning.
Many thanks for your attention. Look forward to hearing from you..
Expert:  wieyedoc replied 2 months ago.

I'm glad you have made the police aware of the problem as well as hired a lawyer.

I do believe that a paternity test will have to be done.....

Since she is not a UK citizen is she eligible for mental health care in your country? Also, who is going to pay for the cost of giving birth and any medical complications that might come up with the mother and newborn child?

Also, have you had any contact with Sanna's family?

So. What should you do?

1. I would, if necessary, pay her expenses to get back to her family in Sweden and arrange with her family to get a paternity test done. Having her in your house is like putting a time bomb under your bed.

Does this make sense to you?

It's safe for you to press the positive feedback button now if you so desire. And, never fear, even after you press that button I'll still be right here to continue helping you, but, as I do work for tips, I want to make sure you are happy before rating me.

Dr. Rick MD FACS

wieyedoc, Board Certified MD
Category: Medical
Satisfied Customers: 10583
Experience: Over two decades of clinical practice. Completed a medical internship in New York City
wieyedoc and other Medical Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Many thanks for your thoughtful reply. Things are gradually working out. It helped to talk to you.

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