Hello and welcome to Just Answer. This is a conditon called vaginismus. Though the not washing the outside does not necessarily go along with it. Its often due to a past problem with rape or sexual abuse. Does this apply to you?
There is also a specific phobia called vaginal penetration aversion or phobia. This may also be a possible diagnosis
my mum used to scrub me down there until it was red and sore but nothing went on inside.
is there physical things that i can do to become more comfortable with body?