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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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hi, my little boy is nearly 4 and for about a year we have

Customer Question

hi, my little boy is nearly 4 and for about a year we have had a problem with him hitting not to hurt just for negative attention it seems...i feel like i was super mum for the first couple years of his life but he is just so naughty for me now tantrums, saying no all the time and hits me and kicks things in temper. the thing is i am expecting again and i am just so hormonal and upset about this whole situation i am besides myself what to do.

any advice welcome!

ruth
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this frustrating and sad situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Children this young could easily develop these tendencies, it could be normal but it’s not healthy for sure. They try to see how much power and control they could get. You are absolutely right when saying this is because of him wanting to get your attention.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It would be very helpful to identify if there was any situation a year ago when these changes started that could have caused or triggered them. For example, you are now pregnant and that uses to be a real trigger for children, even more for a first child, but these behaviors started a year ago, then what stressors, changes, challenges or problems could have happened in his or your life that could have led to this problem?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

One common situation pushing children to act out this way is the fact mothers need to spend less time with them because of full-time job, and that could truly impact their mood and relationship with their mother. I wonder what changes could be stressing him this much. Now we know there could be jealousy about the new coming sibling and also feeling your mood changes because of the pregnancy, but what else could there be?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Are these behaviors exclusively towards you or also towards his father and other people? Do they happen all the time or at special circumstances? Do you know if there are specific triggers, like when he feels bores, tired or angry, fearful or experiencing any other uncomfortable feeling?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think you have been doing a good job with these strategies, but would need to enforce them with full consistency and gradual bigger consequences and using positive reinforcement too, in order to get better results, but again, it is essential to find out which are the emotional triggers leading him to act out this way. If it's about getting more attention, then increasing the time you share with him and making of it even better, real quality time where he feels you are there happy to be with him, loving, understanding and enjoying his presence would help. if it doesn't, then discipline and rules, boundaries and limits need to be improved for him to learn what is acceptable and what is not. He is developing and growing, thus many behaviors that are unhealthy could be shown as he explores what he could get from you. This is why both, you and your husband as a team must work together guiding and supporting him, with a unique and consistent parental approach.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I hope you coudl reply.

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:
11:28 AM

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

11:37 AM

I am very sorry to know about this frustrating and sad situation.

11:38 AM

Children this young could easily develop these tendencies, it could be normal but it’s not healthy for sure. They try to see how much power and control they could get. You are absolutely right when saying this is because of him wanting to get your attention.

11:43 AM

It would be very helpful to identify if there was any situation a year ago when these changes started that could have caused or triggered them. For example, you are now pregnant and that uses to be a real trigger for children, even more for a first child, but these behaviors started a year ago, then what stressors, changes, challenges or problems could have happened in his or your life that could have led to this problem?

11:46 AM

One common situation pushing children to act out this way is the fact mothers need to spend less time with them because of full-time job, and that could truly impact their mood and relationship with their mother. I wonder what changes could be stressing him this much. Now we know there could be jealousy about the new coming sibling and also feeling your mood changes because of the pregnancy, but what else could there be?

11:47 AM

Are these behaviors exclusively towards you or also towards his father and other people? Do they happen all the time or at special circumstances? Do you know if there are specific triggers, like when he feels bores, tired or angry, fearful or experiencing any other uncomfortable feeling?

11:52 AM

I think you have been doing a good job with these strategies, but would need to enforce them with full consistency and gradual bigger consequences and using positive reinforcement too, in order to get better results, but again, it is essential to find out which are the emotional triggers leading him to act out this way. If it's about getting more attention, then increasing the time you share with him and making of it even better, real quality time where he feels you are there happy to be with him, loving, understanding and enjoying his presence would help. if it doesn't, then discipline and rules, boundaries and limits need to be improved for him to learn what is acceptable and what is not. He is developing and growing, thus many behaviors that are unhealthy could be shown as he explores what he could get from you. This is why both, you and your husband as a team must work together guiding and supporting him, with a unique and consistent parental approach.

11:52 AM

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