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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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what and if a teenager wont help there selfs? like go to theropy

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what and if a teenager wont help there selfs? like go to theropy attend school. ect. my teen hurts me her younger brother to get out the home to see a boyfriend that abuses her by hurting her and playing mind games with her. tryed care on a seccsion 20 2 weeks after she stabbed my mum they put it down to a accedent, hurt me and younger brother. then she went to care again this time a month i was not getting any recbite as she kept running away to her boyfriend. then i found her and took her to the doctors as she cut her self up. the other day she overdoes. amits to nurses and doctors and pycholgeest the problm then she still sees him. i can not talk to her she will not take any theropy not even mediation with me under a pycholgest. i am at my wits end if i hurt her or it was me and my ex which she as wittnessed and i got out of it ect i lost and would lose my children if i hurt her to stop her i could be arrested. she needs help but apparently it is her choice what she want to do we are on a child in need plan. if i ground i get pushed to the ground hit and hurt she gets out the house what ever. if i try to take her fone i have been hurt. she takes drugs smokes and drinks daily i can not stop either her boyfriend provides drugs and achole i will not get them i not sure even how to stop drugs i buy her normal fags if i dont she tears our home appart. no one can help and they now say there is no more funnding for care to give me rest but what is the point of rest for the rest of the family if they can not keep her put either? she needs to be forced to get help or she may get badly hurt by her boyfriend evendeath or self harm and get hurt badly or even death that is how bad it is and i am at my wits end trying to get the best help there is non. there is nothing on line either there advice i already done what can be next? i live uk and i defo have no money to pay for help i am not in america either where the laws are differnt. i would live to move to scotland or wales to move away to see if i can help her by taking her miles away to get her way from the boyfriend and start a new life to see if she will get at least couciling then and go back to school.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Shantal-Mod replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

I'm Shantal and I'm a moderator for this topic.

We have been working with the Experts to try to help you with your question. Sometimes it may take a bit of time to find the right fit.

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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

no i have not that is why i have came on here!

Expert:  Shantal-Mod replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for getting back to me. We will continue to look for a Professional to assist you.

Thank you for your patience,

Shantal
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

ok

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

I am so sorry about your situation and could imagine the pain and frustration you must be in. You are right that depending where you live does determine the funding you are able to get in order to get any type of help. This is a major issue and concern because without that funding it would be impossible to get the government help needed. It seems as though you have already looked into places where you could get help and that is already maxed out. If this is the case then unfortunately you would need to do all that you can in order to protect yourself and family. I know you love your daughter, but sometimes tough love is the best way. Do you buy her basic necessities such as clothes, food, and items she may want and need? Did you ever try locking her out and letting her know that she needs to follow the rules or she can not stay there? It seems to me that she has a lot of issues within that have not been dealt with. This can stem from pain from within her and this is the reason she is turning to hurt herself and others as well as drugs. She may not be at the point of reasoning right now. However, rather than fighting her, which seems like a losing battle I would try maybe taking her out somewhere and having a one on one sit down conversation. Let her know how much she is loved even though you do not approve of her behavior. Express how it is not her that is unloved, but rather her actions. Try to get on her level to see what she is feeling and thinking. By doing this it can help you to understand where she is coming from and by digging deep within her it can help you understand her better in order to take the correct steps in helping her. She could be acting out in this manner for attention, so even if she gets negative attention she will still crave it and continue. Rather try and ignore the negative by letting her know it is not tolerated and you will not continue to support her if she continues in this manner. However, before you get into that I would try to sit with her and get on her level first. Maybe try doing something just the two of you. If she sees she can get attention without acting out it may be what she needs. This will also help you build an understanding in order to try and figure out where these problems are stemming from. These can be really deep within and will take time to figure out, help, and heal. Just don't give up. Do these steps and continue them over again until she sees you are being consistent. In this she will realize that she needs to shape up or will need to support herself. Also, she has someone who loves her and does not need to behave in this manner to get the love she is looking for. I know as a mom you gave her plenty of love and this situation is frustrating and hurtful so much that sometimes we question our own actions because it is easy to get lost in the anger and hurt. This is why I am mentioning to take a step back and approach her with love. Sometimes the children can create so much pain that we lose ourselves and we need to stop and bring ourselves back to be the mom we know we are rather than allowing the child get the best of us. This is not an easy task and unfortunately if there is no outside help you are going to need to reach deep within. It is difficult, but remember all these hard times happen for a reason and will only make you stronger in the end. Also, your relationship with her can change into something you never thought possible. Just hang in there. The teenage years are a very trying time. This is when they are full of doubt and worry as well, but we must stir them back if they astray in order to not lose them. I am so sorry for your situation and please if I can be of any help in the future do not hesitate to reply back to this thread or request me. I truly wish you all the best.
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience: I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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