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deedeeham
deedeeham, Advice Columnist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  Advice columnist for 14 years
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My 3 year old daughter, has been friend with my friends daughter

Resolved Question:

My 3 year old daughter, has been friend with my friends daughter who is 3 months older for almost 2 years now. they used to play very well, but since my friend got pregnant a year ago, her daughter has been very mean to every one specially my daughter.
she and my other friends son, exclude her from games, make fun of her and even pushed her last time (I had to ask them to stop because their parents pretent not to see). I have tried to limit the times I see them now. but my daughter still really loves her and keeps asking to see her.
My question is why does my daughter loves some one when they are so mean to her?
her teacher tells me that at the nursery she is very kind to every one, and if she feels some one is unkind she will just walk away from that person. (and this is usually the case in the play groups too. )
I have tried to invite more friends from her school home, and made friends with her friends moms, but she still seems to always ask for this one girl.

I can understand that the other girl is not getting any attention from her mother and I feel bad for her, I have suggested to my friend a few times that maybe she needs some attention or even a hug. but my friend doesn’t seem to think so.

How do I protect my daughter?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  deedeeham replied 3 years ago.

Dear ***** :

Thank you for your question. When another child is born into a family it is very important to include the other child. Even if it is simple things like including in talking care of the child.

Dear ***** :

But if the child feels excluded they tend to lash out tot he person they care about the most and the reason why is because they feel that person will understand.

Dear ***** :

But you can not have your daughter getting hurt by this person.

Dear ***** :

Your daughter is very use to playing with that girl she once knew and to your daughter she just only remembers the girl being nice too her. She will not be able to understand why this person is no longer nice.

Dear ***** :

Your daughter will also give her many chances to change because she has always been her friend.

Dear ***** :

Some times people as they get older out grown their friends, but I feel this is just a child that is not getting attention from her mom and is acting out in a negative way.

Dear ***** :

The reason why they act out is to get attention, a child does not care if it is good attention or negative attention.

Dear ***** :

They just learn what every way they can to get attention.

Dear ***** :

This is not good because this negative actions will continue unless corrected.

Dear ***** :

I feel like you should point this out to the mother until she realizes things need to change.

Dear ***** :

Your daughter will in time make new friends, but children only seem to connect with certain children.

Dear ***** :

They are very young and do not understand when someone is mean. They have always been friends and have that bond as friends for a long time.

Dear ***** :

But things have changed.

Dear ***** :

Your daughter will continue to want to see her until she realizes that child is not being very nice. But your daughter will find a friend that she lies to be with.

Dear ***** :

She just has not found that person yet. But keep trying.

Dear ***** :

It is important for her to be social and find other friends since the other child is not being the person she once was.

Dear ***** :

You want your daughter to have a friend that is kind just like she is.

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