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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3443
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Professioanl Coach
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Now that my husband is asleep and dosn't read this I canask

Resolved Question:

now that my husband is asleep and dosn't read this I canask you becouse we have 3 boys is it better to let him manage them and what he tells them to be or is it o.k if I interrvine when I think he is to tought with them
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.
Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 20 years experience working with individuals and families.

Parenting is not a dictatorship and while it is impossible to always be on the same page as your spouse there should be a general sense of parenting styles and a coming together around issues. I think that if you have different views and believe he is tough on them, then your voice should be heard. If there is any abuse toward you or toward them, then I would suggest getting help. If there isn't abuse and just a strong and dominant personality, your views are important and should be taken into account.

I will throw this out there too that it sounds like some marital counseling could go a long way here, but may not be possible if culturally it is not accepted. Either way, you can see my slant on most things...open, direct and honest communication is what is most helpful for all people in the family to thrive and feel safe and healthy.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you so much Jo this will help us so much,my husband is not that is violent but he need to have more patience with our children with their mistakes and he things I am wrong if I let them go away when they do misciff at home or away,he just want them civillised but kids like to play and do explain to them when they do things are wrong or to much I think they are very normal for their age 3,7 and 10 is only maybe my husband has been the only child to his parents and was more quite in their house but I come from a family of four and I find noise normal and a life,I hope you understand me,I only want to figure out to my husband that he needs to relax with them and have good time together as they are growing at such a super fast speed and he misses to build up a beautiful friendship for life,he reacts more as a police man and want to fine them for every little move they make,this is how it feels unfortunately,

Thank you so much I did said to my dear man I need to speak with some experts as is very hard to carry on this way,we need all the advise we can get as is very hard to be a good parent.

God bless you Jen and your family

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.
Parenting is very hard and I am proud of both of you for trying to figure this all out. Help him to feel more relaxed and have him learn that kids need to have some wins too and that is how they build self esteem....policing them all the time does not give them the internal skills to learn right from wrong and make choices that aren't great but can be great learning experiences.

Have great boundaries when it is necessary and let the kids be when they are being kids....they will love and trust and also learn to trust and relay on themselves and not some external voice that barks what is right and wrong....that is not how they will learn to figure it out on their own.

God bless you too and your wonderful family. Keep talking and learning and loving. I am here if you need.
TherapistJen and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

you don't know how much difference your voice will make for us,this was one of my greatest decisions I made,I am so much happier now that I know your great opinion on parenting,I do know I make so many mistakes as a mother but I only want for all the children to have a happy childhood is so important and the foundation of their life,to be full happy,the worries are for later when they can deal with that I don't want them to grow frustrated as they are missing on being children after all when to be happy if not at this age?!

I can not thankyou enough Jen,we will keep in touch I need your support,

I must go to sleep now as tomorrow I have to give my help and patience to all they need it,

I wish you all the best every day millions times a day

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 2 years ago.
It is my pleasure. Rest assured there are parents everywhere trying to do their best and making many mistakes along the way.
I am here. Rest well.

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