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hintonrae
hintonrae, Teacher and Youth Mentor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 513
Experience:  Mother of Three (Teen, Middle School, and Toddler), High school Teacher, Youth Mentor, Tutor, Writer, Family Blogger, Grad Student
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My son visits his father every alter weekend. He collects him

Customer Question

My son visits his father every alter weekend. He collects him from me and I go to his to pick on Sunday. This weekend my son was invited to a party and we agreed that we would meet on the m1 at 11am for me to collect. My ex decided he didn't want to do this at the last minute and said I had to drive to his parents house. I don't go to his parents due to intimidation and previous unpleasantries.
As a result my ex has my son and is refusing to meet me anywhere to drop him off. He has told me his parents will look after our son for as long as it takes for me to drive to his parents.
My son has school tomorrow and I am concern that he won't be back.
Firstly how can I get my son back? And secondly how can I aviod this happening in the future.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  hintonrae replied 2 years ago.
Hello. I will try to assist you in this. Is there anything, first, in your custodial agreement with your husband that outlines the terms of pick-up and drop off each weekend? This particular weekend is a wash, unfortunately. Your husband, since the child is in his custody, is in the power position and can dictate those terms if they are not already set forth by any sort of legal agreement. With this in mind, since there are intimidation factors with your ex-in-laws, I might take a good friend or family member with you who will lend you courage and not allow them to bully you or create problems in front of your son. That is unacceptable behavior for adults. After this weekend, I would contact your attorney and ask for addendums to be added to your custody agreement that stipulate pick-up and drop-off terms (and any other issues you might have in mind).
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
What is the procedure in getting a custody procedure. We currently have an informal agreement from the court.
Are you English? Only I haven't heard the term attorney used in England or custody agreement?
Expert:  hintonrae replied 2 years ago.
Ah. I am in the United States, and from what you have described, I would definitely advocate a court-mandated agreement if at all possible if it is difficult to work amicably together to come to terms, and you feel as though he is forcing you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. I believe your term for attorney/lawyer is barrister?
Expert:  hintonrae replied 2 years ago.
To more fully answer your question, I am not familiar with custody procedures in the UK. I will do a bit of research on that and see if I can help you to that end. In the U.S., custody procedures are generally part of the divorce proceedings when children are involved. When assets are split, the parents determine, usually with the help and guidance of the attorneys/barristers they have retained (and a judge if they are unable to come to an agreement), how they will handle the split and custody. The more friendly the split the easier these things are--the adults might decide to do a 50/50 split, and put in writing that Adult A will have the child(ren) every Sun, Mon, and Tues, with Adult B picking them up from school midday on Wednesday and keeping them Wed, Thurs, Fri, and Sat. Adult A would then pick the the child(ren) up Sat. afternoon from X location, unless a mutually agreed upon change is made.
Expert:  hintonrae replied 2 years ago.
Okay, according to my research, the U.K. does not have child custody laws in quite the same way as the U.S. I did find a great website that I will link you to...they advocate essentially the same thing as I did above: meeting with a solicitor (not barrister, sorry!) to make arrangements about various things after the divorce. This is called collaborative law, and is generally accomplished with you and your ex. It's an agreement between the two of you not to go to court, but to try to settle everything in mediation. Here's a link to that: http://www.alternativefamilylaw.co.uk/en/alternativeways/collaborativelaw.htm This link discusses some alternative approaches to court, as well: http://www.alternativefamilylaw.co.uk/en/alternativeways/index.html I hope this is helpful. If not, just let me know and I will keep digging for you. :)
Expert:  hintonrae replied 2 years ago.
Hi, there! I wanted to check in with you and see how everything turned out for you. I hope something in here may have helped a bit?