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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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I wonder if you can help me. My ex and I are divorced we

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Hi I wonder if you can help me. My ex and I are divorced we had our daughter in 2006 and we were unmarried, however we later married in 2010. We have since separated and divorced and are now trying to deal with being parents in this situation. He keeps on throwing "his rights" at me and how he has the right to do this that and the other. In April his brother became very aggreesive towards me in front of our daughter so much I went to the police. Since then her father and I have made a visiting agreement between us. As of next year he has her every other wkend and also 5 weeks of the school holidays. This year he has also had time with her every other weekend, 2 weeks in the summer and he is due to have her a week at christmas. I thought we had covered everything, and one of the parts of the agreement was that if there were to be an incident or accident or Sophia became sick I would be informed at the earliest convenience, and I would do the same if there were to be an accident etc. He agreed. However on Sunday Sophia was stung by a wasp and he failed to inform me. I just mentioned it to him when I saw him sunday at the drop off, and said he was supposed to contact me. There was another issue involving his girlfriend but it is quite minor and been resolved. However, since then he has now stated that he doesn't need to inform me of anything he is her father and can do what he likes with Sophia if she is hurt he will do it because he is a parent etc etc. I thought after my many hours of reading (albeit it has fumbled my head) that he is to be informed and involved in major decisions like accidents & medical care, schooling, etc.. but as the parent she lives with i was the person to deal with all the day to day parenting, and so with things like incidents and accidents i had a right to be informed of? Please can you shed some light on where I stand and what I can and can't inforce with what he tells me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Are you looking for legal or relationship advice?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am looking for legal advice, and advice from those who have clarity in this situation really. I am at the end of my teather and I don't know what to do.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
If you would like my perspective then I can help. However, if you want legal advice then this would need to be switched over there or you can ask an additional question there. Please let me know how I should proceed.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
any kind of help, advice, insight or anything would be appreciated
thanks
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Since you both had made the agreement together than it would be up to both of you. If you both can not agree then to get anything enforced would need to go through the court system. Therefore, if you both can work it out that would be easier. Schools are supposed to let parents know, so I would think the parent who the child is visiting should let the parent that the child is living with know if there was an accident. In the case with the wasp the problem here is he agreed and did not follow through with his word. I would try discussing that with him. Let him know if he does not agree with soemthing you prefer him to let you know, so you both can work it out and come to an agreement that is best for both. Now if the wasp was a little sting then he could have handled it and told you at drop off. I do not see anything wrong with this as he is the father and was able to handle it. Now if she was very sick or had an accident where a doctor or hospital was involved then I believe he should call you at that moment to let you know. This would give you the opportunity to go straight to the location where they are to be with your daughter as you would want. I get the impression that he did not take the wasp as a big deal and got offended when you asked why he did not call you. He wants to feel capable as a father and I think that made him feel incapable and hurt him, which is why he responded as such. I would handle this by letting him know the reason you asked is because that is what you both agreed on of how the protocol would be. You can then ask him if he rather keep the calls limited to certain situations if you agree, but regardless let him know that you would need to know the small things at least at drop off in order to be aware in case it needed to be treated, if there were side effects, or was to get worse. And same would go for you advising him of anything major with a phone call or lesser things at pick up. I commend your diligence in creating these protocols and wanting to work things out for the best interest of your daughter. Hope this helped and please let me know if I can be of further help. All the best to you all! :)
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience: I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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