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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2816
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Professioanl Coach
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Husband cheated over 2 years ago have 3 sons 15 12 7 the 15

Customer Question

Hi husband cheated over 2 years ago have 3 sons 15 12 7 the 15 and 12 year old know what their father done that he cheated with the babysitter 15 year old acting up awful missing school sneaking out of house in the middle of the night my husband says nothing and does nothing pls help
Submitted: 17 days ago.
Category: Parenting
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I agreed to give husband a chance and now my head is telling me leave him
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

Has his affair ended? It sounds like your son is having a lot of emotions and is able to sense that his father is not doing anything about it so he continues the behavior. Since your husband has asked for another chance with you you can let him know what is important to you in order for things to have a chance and that you want him to be faithful, but you also need him to step up and be a supportive and available father to his children so that they feel loved and supported by both of you. Give him the time to step up and be that man and father but let him know it is not negotiable. If your son continues to act out then I would consider getting him to see a professional face to face to understand what is going on for him so that he stays in school and behaves in a more respectful manner.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I have told my husband what i need but sadly to no avail told him he needs to sit down with boys and explain what he done but refusing today i had a v v bad day with 15 year old refused to go to school when i collected husband from work told him what happened and he walked off and ignored us for the evening yes the affair is over
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

Its more than him telling the kids what has happened and more about him stepping up as a Dad. I would sit with him and remind him that he asked for another chance with you and if it is going to work, he needs to be a dad and not walk away and ignore things. I hope he can do it for everyone's sake, but if he can't then yes you will be left with a decision about what to do. In the meantime, I would also suggest that you get your son into counseling to address his behavior.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
i have brought my son too one man already so hopefully it will help i really am getting too the stage where i want out
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
People are forgetting i got hurt by two people i trusted
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

I am so glad to hear that and keep up with those appointments. I think you are being thoughtful in your approach as to what to do with your marriage. As things progress you will become more and more cler what you want and what will and won't work for you and a decision will come to you.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I really think my decision has come yes i indeed to keep these appointment i am hoping my son will again i was left sort all this out
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

I think you sound clear and just teasing this out has been helpful and supporting.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
How can children be really affected by affair
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

If they see and feel stress in the home it can cause fear and stress within and that is why having him and the others talk to someone could be helpful to process it all.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
He is really different too our 12 year old our 12 year old will talk to me about it and tell me i should get rid of dad as he does nothing for me
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

And it sounds like you are getting close to knowing what works for you.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
Our 12 year old is a wise boy i really think i need a brake from all his affair is in my head all the time and when i tell him how i feel he says he wants his family we are his world and he doesnt want to talk much about it i cant see this ever getting better its sad but i dont see the wonderful man i married the man who never two timed a woman i see a stranger a house mate
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
her my so called friend who kniffed me in the back also
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

And it takes work to get through a betrayal such as this and if he isn't willing to do the very long and painful work, then things will be very hard for you.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
it will be 3 years in april
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
One final question how do i tell him its over
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

Marital therapy and a lot of continued work needs to be done...you can't force him to do it, so you must focus on what you want and need. If and when you become clear that it is over for you then you go to him with love and honesty about what you need and want and what he has shown you he is willing to do.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
If i am honest not alot has he done my whole world changed while he is still here and now our little boy is affected and he refuses to do anything i told him that the counsellor was aware what he done and he tried speaking to our boy about it
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
Off course i would love my marriage but i cant be with a man who hurt me and our family and does nothing about it
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

Let him know how you feel again and see if he desires change..if not, you sound clear.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
Clear too walk away he wouldnt leave house
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

Those details you would need to figure out with the help of an attorney. My role here is to tease out what we have and support you.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
Is there anything else i can do to help my boy maybe i am afraid thinking i couldnt cope on my own but it feels thats what i am doing now
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

Be loving and supportive and talk to him about how worried you are for him and want to do what you can to support him and be there for him. He needs space but he also needs your love, support and acceptance.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

Wishing you peace with all of this. Please take a moment to click the rating stars...thank you.

Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I will always love my boy but he is horrible with the name calling the hassel with the school the wrong people his hanging out with
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 17 days ago.

wrap him in love. He needs it and so do you.

Thank you in advance for clicking the rating stars.

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