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Ask Dr. A. Clark Your Own Question

Dr. A. Clark
Dr. A. Clark, Pediatrician
Category: Paediatrics
Satisfied Customers: 4437
Experience:  33 years of experience as a general pediatrician in private practice and in pediatric urgent care.
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My daughter and her partner and 2 children ( 4 & 5) have lived

Customer Question

My daughter and her partner and 2 children ( 4 & 5) have lived in my house for the past seven years. My husband passed away 1 1/2 yrs ago and they are now going to move to another house which they bought 5 yrs ago to fix and flip; however they are moving into it instead.. My older granddaughter has been very close to me since she was born; she can vaguely recall her granddad and has not been told that this move is actually going to happen.
What kind of reactions are we likely to look for when she finally does find out?
Is it a good or bad idea to be moving the things gradually without telling her that a move is to follow.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Paediatrics
Expert:  Dr. A. Clark replied 3 years ago.

Dr. A. Clark :

I'm happy that you have asked me to assist you with your grandchild and hope that you can benefit from my many years of helping grandparents like you.

Dr. A. Clark :

I have to say that I agree with you completely.

JACUSTOMER-p7bw0qyy- :

How and when should she be told. We have been very Close ( sorry they are 5 & 6.)----the six yr old and I since she was born. I think it\s my husband death ..he had cancer and was looked after in the house for about a year and a half.

Dr. A. Clark :

There are a few life events that are major in our lives and a change in homes is certainly not as traumatic as a death or divorce it is significant. For that reason I agree with you that she needs to be told well before the move so she understands that when the move occurs she will still be safe and with her family.

JACUSTOMER-p7bw0qyy- :

What kind of response should be expected if she is not told until the virtual move?

JACUSTOMER-p7bw0qyy- :

How do we deal with the reaction?

Dr. A. Clark :

Obviously you can play a big part in this by telling her, as we have done with our grandkids under the same circumstances, that they will always be able to stay with us from time to time.

JACUSTOMER-p7bw0qyy- :

Are we finished?

Dr. A. Clark :

I think you will be surprised that she accepts this pretty easily if you tell her now and certainly not right as the move occures.

Dr. A. Clark :

No, sorry. Typing as fast as I can!

JACUSTOMER-p7bw0qyy- :

thanks.....I think

Dr. A. Clark :

Here is a link to a resource I've used with parents that explains what to do and expect:

JACUSTOMER-p7bw0qyy- :

If my daughter chooses not to tell her, how do we repair the angst that she will likely feel?

Dr. A. Clark :

And another one that is even more specific, but the point is all the experts agree that putting this off is a bad idea and can lead to emotional distress later if not done ahead of time:

Dr. A. Clark :

You will be surprised I think how accepting she will be after perhaps a day or so of a lot of questions. Kids just want to know they are safe and their bed, bedroom, siblings and caregivers will all be at the new house with them.

Dr. A. Clark :

And another good resource:

Dr. A. Clark :

Here is a list of children's books that include moving topics:

Dr. A. Clark :

I see you have gone offline but I trust if I've addressed all of your concerns you will return to chat to rate my advice favorably. If not please let me know how else I can assist you.

Dr. A. Clark :
Please remember as you exit chat to rate my service as that is the only way experts are compensated for their time! If you feel unsatisfied with my answer at all please don't exit but just hit the REPLY tab and let me know of the issue or question that you have. I will be happy to continue working with you and will do everything I can to provide you with the service you seek and I hope that I can earn an excellent rating from you.

Expert:  Dr. A. Clark replied 3 years ago.
Please let me know if you have any further questions as I want to assure that I've addressed all of you concerns.

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