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BabyMD3
BabyMD3, Board Certified Pediatrician
Category: Paediatrics
Satisfied Customers: 41
Experience:  Board Certified Pediatrician on staff at Childrens Hospital Los Angeles and Cedars-Sinai Medical Center
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what should I do I have a 9 month old baby whos got a heart

Customer Question

what should I do I have a 9 month old baby whos got a heart condition and my parents always tell me im doing it wrong telling me im gunna do more harm to him and I cant control my angry and hit things cuz I domt know how to let it out I need advise please help my dad always calls me deranged and that theres something wrong with me in the head
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Paediatrics
Expert:  BabyMD3 replied 2 years ago.

BabyMD3 :

Hello. I would like to help you with your problem.

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

what do I do

BabyMD3 :

I have a few questions. Have you spoken with your Pediatrician to get reassurance about how you are caring for your child? Have you ever felt like hurting yourself or anyone else due to how stressed you feel? Do you live with your parents? You have a lot on your plate right now. Having a young child is very difficult no matter how old you are but I can't imagine taking on such a big responsibility at such a young age. It must be very stressful for you. Add to that the heart condition and I am sure you feel overwhelmed with out the criticism.

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I see his heart specialist alot and he says that my son is fine healthy

BabyMD3 :

Ok great!! Is there anyone else in your corner like your grandparents that are supportive?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

yeah I have hurt myself

BabyMD3 :

What types of things are your parents saying?

BabyMD3 :

Ok that is very concerning - more so than anything else. Have you sought help for yourself?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I have my sons dad but he has asperges so he finds it hard to talk about feelings

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

my dad calls me everything he always says im not right in the head and that im deranged

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

my mum just stays out of it

BabyMD3 :

Can you contact your doctor or your child's doctor for a referral to a therapist for you and then maybe in the future to include your parents to help hash this out?

BabyMD3 :

do you live with them?

BabyMD3 :

do you currently feel like hurting yourself?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

yeah trying to move out I feel like I want to hit something

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I dont want to lose my son

BabyMD3 :

Also, ask the heart specialist (even call the office and ask the receptionist) if there are any support groups for families of children with this condition.

BabyMD3 :

Can you get someone to babysit for a bit so you can clear your head and maybe go for a walk?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

ive been on some websites were mums talk about how they coped and are coping

BabyMD3 :

You need a good support system. All mommies do. Raising children is no easy task.

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

my sons asleep atm but I cant get out

BabyMD3 :

That's a good start.

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I try and stay carm but my dad always makes me angry and upset

BabyMD3 :

You need to find a therapist near you that can listen and give you good coping skills. If you are getting reassurance from everyone else, try to focus on those voices and remember that when your dad says something negative. It is very likely that what he is saying actually says a lot more about him than anything else.

BabyMD3 :

When do you think you can move out?

BabyMD3 :

Can you get someone to give you a break today?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I am trying to move out with my babys dad just tryimg to get it sorted but cuz I told my mum shes turned her back on me

BabyMD3 :

Okay. Tough situation. Clearly there are things going on that, again, may be more reflective of them than you.

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

ive been at work the people I work with are more supportive and nicer to me then my own family

BabyMD3 :

Anyone else? grandparents? Aunts, uncles? what about the parents of your child's father?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

they hate my babys dad cuz we have had are problems but we have sorted them out and we really love each other and want to be a family

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

my babys dads side has been helping me alot its like they understand me

BabyMD3 :

Ok. Thats good. Again, focus on the positive voices to drown out the negative. I know it's hard not to take what your parents say to heart. They are your parents after all and you would think they would be the first people in your corner rooting for you but, unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way.

BabyMD3 :

Can you guys go live with them until you sort this out?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

my babys dad lives with his mum and brother theres no room thats why im stuck here for now

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

im just sick of feeling so crap I just want to be happy like I am when its just me my son and his dad

BabyMD3 :

Please get some help from a therapist. It is going to take a bit to dig out from all of this criticism and you need some professional support on a regular basis. This friction seems to have nothing to do with how you care for your child but rather the dynamics between you and your parents and having a child has just amplified or highlighted them. Also, your baby doesn't need to hear this stuff. I am sure it is very upsetting to her as well.

BabyMD3 :

Is there nowhere else you can go?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

thats why I know I need to do whats best for my son and take him away from all of this

BabyMD3 :

How long will it take you to move out? This is unhealthy.

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

not sure im trying to get it done as soon as possible trying to get the dad to chase things up

BabyMD3 :

Well promise me that if you ever feel like hurting yourself or anyone else that you will call for help. Im in the USA so I don't know the number for the police or ambulance there

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I promise I will get help I have managed to control it for a little while but needed to talk to someone

BabyMD3 :

Does your dad work out of the home? Is there anything you can do in the meanwhile to minimize the time that you are home while he is there? Can you spend the eveings or dinner time with your boyfriend's family?

BabyMD3 :

Fantastic! Thank you

BabyMD3 :

What else makes you happy? or brings you joy?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

when im not working I spend time with my son and his dad till about 4ish when its my sons dinner time

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

watching my son learn to play with his toys and seeing him amd his dad together

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

my dad is my mums carer my mum works in a school but dad stays home all day

BabyMD3 :

Great! I can not imagine how you feel. Being a mom is tough enough! These circumstances are far from optimal but continue to focus on the fact that there will be relief in the near future and the other voices that are telling to the truth. Again it sounds like your dad is really speaking volumes about himself and not you.

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I have to keep it a secret that im eith the babys dad cuz my parents hate him

BabyMD3 :

Dad needs something in his life and it sounds like he may be taking it out on you.

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I feel soo happy when im away from this house

BabyMD3 :

Oh boy! that is tough. What is going to happen when you move out?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

its gunna all kick off

BabyMD3 :

Yeah you need a non-toxic, nurturing environment.

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

my dad stays at home does the cleaning and looks after his 3 dogs he wont go out of the house to shops on his own

BabyMD3 :

Well focus your energy on the positive people and things an know that when your dad talks he isn't saying anything about you but him....

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

ok will do have you got any tips on how to control the anger till I can speak to someome

BabyMD3 :

Yes. As I said he's lacking something but chooses not to handle it properly. Keep that in mind, keep your chin up, find some support groups and a therapist to help you with this transition.

BabyMD3 :

Yes. Do you exercise? pray? meditate?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

thank you for all your help and talking to me

BabyMD3 :

exercise helps release the "happy hormones" to lift your mood. Daylight is also helpful so try to go outside during the day from time to time.

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

no I try and go for walks with my son they relax me

BabyMD3 :

yoga is helpful.

BabyMD3 :

Yes! all of these this can be done with your son. Put him in a stroller and go for a brisk walk. Are there nay parks near by?

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I may try some new things

BabyMD3 :

You are so welcome!

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

yeah I have a massive park near me just hasnt been very nice out

BabyMD3 :

Surround yourself with the positives. Play uplifting music. Do a silly dance with your son

BabyMD3 :

Do you have a ran cover for your stroller? go anyway!

BabyMD3 :

*rain cover for your stroller

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I mess around with my son and enjoy watching my son play with his dad amd trying to talk to him

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

my dad stops me from going out alot

BabyMD3 :

Listen to your favorite song while you go for a walk. Sign at the top of your lungs with your son. He won't care if you are out of tune You are his mommy. You are the best thing ever to him!!

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I sing his favourite song twinkle twinkle to him alot he judt smiles and trys to sing along

BabyMD3 :

Great! now think of a song that you can belt at the top of your lungs like no one else is listening

BabyMD3 :

Great stress reliever

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

ill have a search of one

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

I have tried to do drawing but I dont have the time as my son always wants his mummy

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

when I draw it makes me happy cuz I know ive learnt to get better at it the more I try

BabyMD3 :

Oh yes. that would be difficult. Do that when he naps.

JACUSTOMER-942g8acc- :

yeah I have beem trying but always seems to be something I have to do first

BabyMD3 :

Do your chores and things while he is awake. He will enjoy watching you and may even "help".

BabyMD3 :

It sounds like you are taking the right steps. Just remember to focus on the positive, supportive people and get support from a support group and see a therapist that you can see on a regular basis to get support on a constant basis.

BabyMD3 :

I hope that my suggestions have been helpful. If you need anything further, please let me know. I am here to help.

BabyMD3 :

It looks like you have stepped out of the chat. If you need anything else, let me know.

Expert:  BabyMD3 replied 2 years ago.
Hi Zoe!


I'm just following up with you to see how everything is going. How are you and your son? Did you find a therapist? Did my answer help?


Let me know,
BabyMD3
Expert:  BabyMD3 replied 2 years ago.
Hi Zoe!


I'm just following up with you to see how everything is going. How are you and your son? Did you find a therapist? Did my answer help?


Let me know,
BabyMD3

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