Hello and thanks for using Just Answer.
I am Al and am happy to assist you with your enquiry.
Do you have a Mortgage over the property?
I have several hugely important questions.
1) My daughter (8 yrs) returned from weekend contact yesterday having done a 2 km run with her father. She had painful blisters on her feet. She said she had been running without socks. I asked if she had told her F and she said that Yes she had told him her feet were painful, but he had made her keep running.
You may recall that he put her into the "mini mile" a couple of months ago and she fell and injured herself and had to be attended in an ambulance - she was not wearing proper footwear. You also know that she capsized the first time she was taken kayaking with her father as she was in a one man boat with him.
She was limping today and I mentioned the blisters to a friend who said she thought this was "abuse" and that I should report it to the social services. I want to check what you think.
2) My daughter is moving to a new school come September. My now partner and I are paying her school fees. Her father refuses to contribute at all financially to an independent education. I want her F to have as absolutely little to do with her new school as possible but he does have parental responsibility. There is a Child arrangements Order in place which directs he have contact at certain times in term-time. These are after school on a Weds and one week in four after school on a Friday. Then also at weekends. I am the Resident parent and prime carer.
To what extent can I control F's interactions with the new school?
Is he entitled to visit the school at times when he is not directed to be having contact? Can he visit my daughter at school at times he is not to be having contact?
3) I have been emailing F concerning my share of the proceeds form the sale of our house. In a recent email he wrote: "
It is fairly realistic to say, that I'll never get a job as a teacher again. This is based on a discussion with my former head Stuart, who described me as 'virtually unemployable' due to the DBS notes of allegations of sexual misconduct with Lily. That assessment is backed up by the fact that, out of numerous job applications for teaching posts in maths and science, where there is a national shortage, I did not get any interviews. Hence I am living - and probably will be living for the foreseable future - off my savings."
On the registration forms, which I have to declare contain truthful information, for the new school, I was asked to give details of my daughter's other parent. I have given his name, address etc and there was a question as to his occupation. I asked F what I should state on the form. He texted me to tell me to state he was a teacher. I texted that I would not do so unless he provided proof of employment. He texted asking to see the form so I scanned it to him. He replied that I should state he was a teacher and self-employed. I called him and asked him directly if he was in fact a teacher. He would not give me an answer but started the mind games he used to employ - he kept repeating the words "I have texted you haven't I?" etc. He would not say the word "Yes".
I am unsure as to why he wishes me to state he is a teacher on our daughter's new school registration form. I am unsure as to whether he is asking me to commit fraud of a sort. He has said that if I do not write this then he himself will write to the new school stating he is a teacher.
The school will receive our daughter's file in which there is information about the allegations of sexual abuse and the findings of the court. I will also be writing a confidential letter to the head with my partner, stating our social circumstances and outlining the details of the contact Order. There is a clause in the Order which states that I am able to disclose the order, the court's findings from the fact finding to her school. But I don't wish to cause trouble. But I do want F out of my life as much as possible once I move away to our new home.
Is F doing anything criminal? What should I tell the new school?
Many many thanks
Thanks. I will write a polite email. I have already done so by text and he did not respond.
As you know, I am intending to return to Court any way over the matter of F refusing to allow Lily to attend any safety training before going on a canoe or kayak with him. I would also like the court to clarify what water borne vessels are covered by the Order.
You also mentioned that in the process of this application, that I could bring up the issue of her kayak capsize last year and also mention the fact that she was injured in his care with no proper footwear in a race she ran in his care. You thought this would support the question of whether he was ready to engage in more risky activities with her.
How, if I simply write an email, do the blisters relate to all this in that case? I am about to fill in my C100 as I was away until end of last week.
I'm confused. I am asking how I get this info re the blisters in to my C100, or whether I do at all?
I have the form. I am applying for direction that he allows L a safety training for canoe/kayak.
I will mention the capsize, the fall during the run and now the blisters? - on the C100?
Please reply as I want to fill in the C100 asap.
I also need your help in writing my covering letter with the registration to my daughter's new school.
Does F have a right to visit the school at times when he is not directed to have contact on the Child arrangements Order? Thanks,
Thanks, ***** ***** he meet with my daughter at the school at other times other than when he is directed to have contact?
Clare, also In the C100, do I just ask the court to direct that F allows our daughter some basic safety training before being taken onto a water borne vessel such as a kayak?
Can I ask the court to clarify which water borne vessels F should be restricted from taking her onto, for the avoidance of doubt?
And, should I send a copy of the Child Arrangements Order to L's new school with the registration forms? Thanks
Brilliant, thanks for clariifying!
Just one thing not covered - Can I ask the court to clarify which water borne vessels F should be restricted from taking her onto, for the avoidance of doubt?
On the C100 I mean
Thank you! I don't know what I would do without you.
I am moving home at the end of July to the countryside :-)))))))) My daughter is so happy and excited as we will be able to get a dog. I will be living only 8 miles form F. Despite desperately wanting to start a new life, where F can't be emailing, texting, on my doorstep twice a week, I have decided to remain nearby so as to be near my elderly parents and my son's dad who lives here.
Can you give me advice on how to draw boundaries to protect myself from F being in my life? It feels like a daily grind, emails etc with him, and reports from Lily about little problems here and there.
For example, some mothers at L's present school have not been discreet about their feelings towards F, in the playground when he collects L on a Weds. This upset me and I don't want repetition at the new school.Also, F emails regularly with some request or complaint or comment. An example, is there was a photo of L's bedroom on Rightmove. There was an old box tv in it and F emailed to ask if there was a computer in her room - why? presumably so he could claim I allowed her to watch porn or something dreadful like that, if L was to make another disclosure.
I know you've been through similar. Many mums in my situation would move 2-300 miles away. This coming year will be a trial. If F continues to be in my life, with his nose in her school and my new house, I will think about moving further away, probably nearer to my brother. Can you give me any general tips about how to keep F out of my head so I can keep strong?
Thanks! Wise words.
I need some help with the C100.
Am I "asking for permission to make an application, where that is required"?
Is an urgent hearing or without notice hearing required? (It is feasible that F will take our daughter onto a water borne vessel this weekend but I am not aware he plans to do so).
Under 'Have you applied to the court for permission to make this application?" do I tick Yes, No-permission not required, or No- permission now sought? And what do I out under 3a 'Reasons for permission if permission is required"?
Under 3b "any previous agreements (formal or informal) or parenting plans and why they have broken down" - do I mention the specific issues order in place that he must not take our daughter onto a sailing vessel and that this needs clarification? Or completely leave this matter off the form, as you suggested before?
On page one I must tick under Concerns about Risk of Harm. One option is "other safety or welfare concerns". If I tick yes I must also submit a C1a form. please advise me whether to tick yes or not.
Please could i have a Yes or a No so I can submit my C100 and maybe a C1a as per my last question? Many thanks
On the C1A i must fill in the boxes with the question "When did the behaviour start and how long did it continue?" Then "Nature of behaviour and what happened", then "If you have sought help, please say who from" and then finally "Did they do anything? If yes, what did they do?"
Shall I mention that I asked F in Solution Focussed Therapy to inform me if he were intending to take L on watersports (so I could provide safety equipment in advance) but that he did not agree?
Shall I mention that I wrote to him suggesting local courses but he refused?
Shall I mention the capsize last year here?
And I presume that under section 4 of the C1A- Other concerns about your children, I answer No to whether I have any other concerns about my children's safety and wellbeing? - despite the absence of proper footwear for the run and the blisters from the second run?
I am almost there!
Finally I am asked at the end of the C1A if there is "any written evidence I am able to provide at this stage to support my allegations" - shall I attach an email from F in which he says he will not follow my "orders" to allow her safety trainig, as I think he puts it, and will take L on to watercrafts other than a sailing vessel?
Then that's it, I can send off the form or hand it in
Due to my having sent three questions I am right confused!
1) Do I fill in the long page of the C1A asking the four questions in my first question - ie. When did beh start etc? and do I mention the capsize and that I have asked F to allow safety training?
2)Am I right you are suggesting I fill in 'No' to, do I have any other concerns?
3) I am right you suggest attaching his email saying he won't put her onto courses? )His email is, as ever, very conciliatory eg. saying "I promise Jodie and I will ensure that all safety equipment is worn and I have done a first aid course as part of my skipper training" but he is still saying he will not put her onto a course.)
I am panicking massively! As I posted my application through the doors of the family court today I was taken back to the last hearing and how it was all about F taking L sailing. How I was literally on the verge of a breakdown. How everything was breaking down in my mind and body. How I managed to secure the age of 11 as to the age until which F is prohibited to taking our daughter to sea. How I then had a mini breakdown, seriously, and needed three days of looking after an tranquilisers, as I couldn't get over how I hadn't managed to secure a total ban until L was 18.
As I posted the application today, which I have done, I thought "Could F use the opportunity of another court case to try to change what is in place at the moment, and ask the Judge to bring forward the age at which he can take her onto his yacht?" If this could happen, I will go to the Court first thing tomorrow and take back my application. I can not take this risk! I do not have the strength, nor new witnesses. The previous Order and Undertaking were by consent. F could this time not agree and then could it go before the Judge and could his barrister ask that the existing Orders be overturned or changed to reduce the age? I know that I am only able to cope with life knowing that that Undertaking is there until L is 11. Trust me when I say this - I have been OK only for this reason.
Is there any chance this could happen?
Knowing this man, he will have felt angered every single day since the final hearing. He 'agreed' because of the circumstances at that hearing, but of course, really, he didn't agree. We bargained. He wouldn't go to the Court and ask for the order to be changed or revoked, but he would certainly ask his barrister, if he got the opportunity at this next hearing, to do what she can to reduce L's age or revoke the Undertaking.
As you know, I am asking for a prohibitive steps order, in addition to the existing order and 'general form of undertaking'. What is the law when it comes to a respondent using a hearing requested by the other party, on a different but related matter, to ask for the original order to be amended?
Would he have to produce new evidence for this to be considered? (If so, there is none).
You may recall the Judge was never involved at the final hearing, where F 'agreed' not to take L sailing until 11. This was 'agreed' because he knew his position was weak at the time, partly due to an independent witness having given evidence that he was a dangerous sailor in the past, and partly because the L.A. make a recommendation in their S7, not to allow F to take L sailing because of the "genuine distress" it would cause me, the mother.
This was 9 months ago. This time, I have no social worker and no witness. I will be representing myself and he will have the same barrister who is brilliant and has won every time. My only position would be the distress I would suffer and my inability to manage if the ban were to be lifted or the age reduced. I could be steamrollered.
What are the chances of this happening? I know you can't give me a figure, as the outcome of many hearings are unpredictable, but what is the legal situation in terms of what F could attempt to get out of the hearing?
I am not able to take any risk at all, given the extreme distress any reduction of age would cause me. This distress would spill out into Lily's life and my new relationship and I would fear for my future.
I just couldn't do it. I went to the court this morning and reclaimed the applications. I was sick with worry - it's fallout from the trauma of the previous hearings and the memory of how I felt when the age of 11 was agreed - first desperate it wasn't older and then, with your help, resigned but with some hope that by age 11 Lily might be able to fend for herself.
I do want to apply for a prohibitive steps order but I need more advice and time to make sure I don't do anything I regret. My application was totally reasonable, I agree. But it opens a can of worms. His refusal could be seen in two ways surely? - either, as you suggest, as a re-inforcement of my concerns re his approach to safety on the water or as yet another example of my inreasonable and emotional fear concerning water. If it was seen or presented in this way, that's what could be used against me to change the existing.
Facts are that F has taken a higher level skipper training since my horendous experiences with him on his yacht and fact is, the Judge wasn't asked to make a decision last time, it was by 'consent'. I vividly recall my barrister's words when he told me to agree to age 11 - he said that we couldn't be sure that if it went before the Judge, she wouldn't rule aged 10.
Please let me know what you think but from here I see two ways forward - either 1)
Rewite the application, adding a strong emphasis on how helpful the current order has been, regarding the yacht, in enabling me to manage contact and my anxieties and how grateful I am for this - but - that it doesn't go far enough in that it doesn't cover other water vessels/sports and so please can the court order that Lily is given the opportunity for a basic safety training course for other watersports? or
2) Just put Lily on these courses myself or
3) Explain to F that I have the forms for an application for a PSO and that I really don't want to go to court so could he reconsider his decision not to put her on any courses.
Sorry to be a wuss - as you might know, the Court is a scary place
I was hoping to hear from you but also I have had a bit of time to think. What do you think of my idea in option one of my last communication with you? - that I re-write the application, adding a strong emphasis on how helpful the current order has been, regarding the yacht, in enabling me to manage contact and my anxieties and how grateful I am for this - so, setting the stage as it really is - hanging in the balance so to speak - but - that it doesn't go far enough in that it doesn't cover other water vessels/sports and so please can the court order that Lily is given the opportunity for a basic safety training course for other watersports?
Thanks very much, I am very interested to know what you thought of my not finding it possible to take any risk at all on this issue.