Hi again, Suzanne.
I'm very sorry that you find yourself in this difficult situation. From your description, it sounds like your husband has always had this type of personality, but as he gets older, certain traits have increased and become more apparent. It certainly does sound as if he is a controlling person and has to have everything his way.
I'm glad that he has consented to go back to the doctor, as he might need medication to help him control his moods and keep him on a more even keel. It sounds like he is impulsive when he wants something, but holds the purse strings tight when it concerns you wanting/needing something. This is not an uncommon situation in many marriages, especially as we advance in age, and marriage counselling for the two of you would be advisable. However, since he refuses to go, you can go by yourself, initially, to speak to the therapist and get some workable ways to take back some control of your life.
If you tried talking to your husband and felt it did no good, perhaps try to talk to him, not about everything that's bothering you at one time, but about certain things he's doing, individually, at the time he does it. For example, while it's nice that he calls you during the day to see how you are, calling multiple times, as you've mentioned, and becoming agitated when he can't find you, is not only 'worry', but is definite controlling behavior. He's also bothering your mum or other family members and causing them to worry, if they don't know where you are and he calls them to try to find you. Even though you have the mobile with you, many people don't hear their ringer if they are in a crowded/noisy place, or they just hear the last ring, when it's too late and the caller has already hung up. Tell your husband that when you are out and you have told him you will be out, there's no need to call you multiple times, and if you find yourself in a problem, you promise to call HIM if you need his help or opinion. Tell him to 'expect' you not to answer the phone, if you're not able to, when you're out and/or if you can't hear the ringer. Unless you hang it around your neck, the phone will not be easily accessible to you; I'm assuming it's in your purse, where most women carry it.
You also might try using the same tactics on him. Call him at work 3-4 times a day just to say 'hi' and ask what he would like for dinner, or tell him you're in a specific store and thought perhaps he might like a (?)--whatever it is, and I'm sure he'll find this annoying. If he comments or yells about it, just say calmly, you call me just as many times a day and I just wanted to see how you were and ask you about that 'thing' (whatever).
I understand you missing a social life and you are still a vibrant woman who needs and deserves the socialization. Plan to go out without him, with a group of friends, to a pub or cinema, etc., if you've invited him and he says 'no'. He can't keep you chained to the house if HE doesn't feel like going out. You might have to start living 'different' lives, but living in the same home.
If the situation is that troubling and you are that unhappy (which it sounds like you are), then contemplating divorce is logical conclusion. Even though you would rather not (nobody would, but sometimes, in dire circumstances, we must do what we feel is best for ourselves, to preserve our quality of life), give it one last try with the doctor and a couples counsellor/therapist and see if he is able to change and improve his temperament with you. It's very difficult to change, especially later in life, but if you have told him outright, that his behavior and treatment of you is making you unhappy, he should want to take steps to make improvements.
Compromise is always a good tactic. If he agrees to go to the cinema with you, for example, tell him that next time you will rent a movie both of you will enjoy, to be watched at home on tv, which HE prefers.
He may be depressed and not want to socialize, but that is another thing to discuss with his doctor.
If things remain unbearable for you and nothing you have tried or will try (with professional help) has worked, then, I'm afraid you will have to start contemplating divorce and get some preliminary advice from an attorney. I know this is difficult to face, but you have to be selfish right now and think of your own happiness, if you are not deriving it from this marriage/relationship with your husband.
I hope that you will try some of the things you have not yet tried and things will improve for you as soon as possible.
My best thoughts are with you.
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