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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I have been with my thai girlfriend for 3 years, shared 4 holidays

Customer Question

I have been with my thai girlfriend for 3 years, shared 4 holidays in thailand together, one just 5 -6 weeks ago. I love her very much and i thought she loved me. We have talked of getting married and starting family. I live in England she lives in Thailand, last year she came to England for 5 months. I work as a professional gambler and while i earn a good income its unstable and being stressful...sometimes when i lose the moods not being great between us )not her fault). Recently shes had some changes to her family circumstances her brother has gone to jail, her ex husband has had problems with his wife and has told her the daughter must be cared for by her family (mum and or her) Last Friday i was on phone with her and i got stressed because i'm going thriugh tough time with work money pressures and i put the phone down on her. I did not mean to and tried calling her back 10 minutes later when i had calmed down. She never answered and 12 hours later had not. I kept sending her texts to say sorry and reslising it was serious. She then dumped me saying she never wanted to talk to me again and did not love. I spoke to her Monday she said a similar thing when i begged her to give me a second chance. She cites me as being stupid and not listening to her as the main reasons. She says she wants to start a new life without me. We had planned to get married. I am devastated and its making me really ill and upset, i cannot believe she has done this to me. Can you offer any advice. i am sure she does love me still and i want her back i want her to give me anther chance.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like she does love you from what you have said. And plans to get married are serious, so to agree to that means she feels for you very deeply.

However, it sounds like there is a lot going on in her life right now and she might be feeling a lot of pressure. If her brother is in jail and there are issues with her ex, she might be feeling very overwhelmed. And when there was a disagreement between you both, she might have decided to back off because the pressure was too much. Since she cannot change what is going on with her brother or ex, she decided to take her feelings out with the two of you.

In order to repair your relationship, you may want to try to connect with her. Keep apologizing to her. And ask her what you can do for her right now. Focus on her needs, especially given what she is going through.

You may also want to express your feelings through non verbal ways. Try sending her a card telling her that you are sorry for what she is going through and that you are there for her. Send her flowers or other small gifts just as a way to brighten her day.

Remind her of the good times you had together. Try to make her laugh or relax. She needs to see you as someone she can go to who will help her feel better rather than add to her problems.

If she says she needs time, allow her that time. But that does not mean you have to let her go. Try to stay in touch through texting just to say hi and offer her encouraging words. Even if you just send her a funny saying or a simple quote, it can be enough to bring her back to you once she sees you are there for her.

Kate







May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Kate thankyou for your reply. She is constantly going on about me being stupid and not listening to her. I have only had 4 texts off her since she stopped speaking to me. All we had was a heat of words (i'd just sent her money and then said you don;t understand love (which she does) and put phone down. Clearly she now feels enough is enough/we rarely argue in our relationship but once before in thailand she left me following an argument and luckily she came back next day this time i dont think she will, She has pressures clearly from her mum (i suspect she has told her she must go to work to support the family) and if i've moaned about money well....


 


This is no more imo than a lovers tiff but...she has overreaced and said its over no matter how many texts or calls i've sent her. I'm not in Thailand now so i cannot go see her to sort things out. I don;t want to lose her she is my life everything. I have sent her a text telling her of the good times that i still love her i want her to get her back and i will listen to her and do the things she wants me to change. But she is adamant i won;t change cos if i could i would. I didn;t realise i had things too much i needed to change. But i now think i'm a million to get back with her. Previously i think the relationship was pretty good i was with her and her family on hols in May.


 


But do i now give her space or try contacting her. It looks pretty final to me but i cannot believe this. Without me putting the phone down on her Fri am we would deffo still be together.


 


Don't believe she doesn't love me but...i don;t want to be with soemoen who doesn't love me

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
You may want to try giving her some time, maybe a week or so. If she is upset about the stress in her life, she might be taking it out on you. So giving her some time to calm down and see that she really does miss you might help. And you may be a convenient target right now given her situation so the time apart might help her see that taking her feelings out on you doesn't help.

Kate
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
I hope my answers were helpful to you. If you have any further questions, please let me know. And please do not forget to rate my service so I am paid for my answers.

Thank you!

Kate

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