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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I have been with my partner for 11 years. He has put on a lot

Customer Question

I have been with my partner for 11 years. He has put on a lot of weight and is no longer interested in making love. It has been so long since he has shown any affection towards me. a few weeks ago I found out he was texting a girl he went to school with. Telling her it was great to see her but how he wished it was him who got to walk her home as night. He told me it meant nothing and he was sorry and would do anything to sort it and keep us together but nothing has changed. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What you are describing here seems to be a relationship that has lost its romantic aspects..

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your partner has become a man who has so little love or affection for you that he can show you no affection or interest.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Furthermore, he has contacted another woman for whom he once had feelings and is now courting her on the sly. He will be much more careful the next time.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If she knew how he really was she would have nothing to do with him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He has given you a meaningless reply about how he would do anything to sort things out, but these are empty words that will not change anything.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You say that you have not asked hims to do a great deal with your 6 year old son. Do you hear how that sounds? If he has no interest in his son either, then he seems to be devoid of caring for others.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He may have become mentally ill with depression that all he can do is overeat and indulge himself and disregard his family.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are responding as if it is your fault, and that by being a more slavish housewife that you will fix things. That is not the right approach. A good partner would be helping you and being active and loving in raising his little boy and caring about his wife, and giving her love and affection and satisfaction.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is time for you to be proactive - to take action to break this deadlock one way or the other. You are a passive victim right now, and you are not going to fix this by letting it continue.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You must tell him that this cannot go on if you want the relationship to continue. You must INSIST that he goes to couples therapy with you, and suggests that he needs to also go to individual therapy because he is showing signs of having depressive disorder.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If he refuses you then have two options left:

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


-resign your life to that of an unfulfilled wife who lives to be a servant to a man who does not love her, or

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


-separate from him or divorce him and start a new chapter in your life. He will be obliged to pay for child support and the local council will help you out.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


Faced with this possibility, he may go for help and you may be able to fix things. If you don't confront him forcefully you will continue to have an unhappy life.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers for the wisdom, strength, and courage to move forward with your life by forcing the issue one way or the other. You can no longer settle for empty promises.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


May God give you strength.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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