Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how difficult and worrisome this situation must be for you. You are clearly a thoughtful person. And as you think about this situation, you are seeing how uncertain the relationship might really be.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. On the surface it seems as though you and your boyfriend have a strong bond. You live together; he's introduced you to his family and you've formed ties with his family. All that seems strong.
But you keep bringing up things about him that bring into question how strong the bond between you really is: he didn't tell you that it was his father who loaned the money, and most importantly, you sense that he is under his father's domination. Meaning that his first loyalty is to his dad and only then to you. And this has you worried. For good reason.
Why is it a good worry? His dad sounds like he's a domineering man, perhaps even controlling. And he belittles people as well; that's a sign of a controlling kind of person. They tend to belittle those they do not control other ways.
And so you are correct. Moving in to a house they own under their view 24 hours a day is not a good way to have an independent life. It sounds as though when you have a relationship with your boyfriend, his parents are part of it. If you were married, this would become even more pronounced.
One good way of seeing how independent your boyfriend is would be to say that you don't want to take the offer. And to be honest about not wanting to be under their window 24 hours a day. You want to build an independent life for the two of you.
And see how he reacts. Because how he reacts to this will tell you how he will react whenever there is an issue that might go against his parents. And if he can't stand up to them now, he won't be able to in the future. You've shown that you're worried enough about this that you're right to see if your worries are true.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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