Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe I can help.
I understand how troubled you are after so many years of terrible abuse. Your daughter must feel abandoned for her to be self-harming. She should seek therapy for this for you don't want to see her develop borderline personality disorder or other reactions to trauma, neglect, or abandonment.
Your husband may be a narcissist which means that he is not capable of having empathy towards others and cannot feel the pain or hurt of others. Narcissists also like to be able to control other people, and he has been controlling you for so long. That is why he stays with you.
Narcissists need what is called narcissistic supply which includes getting admiration from others or controlling others and bending them to their will. They are the best liars and manipulators of all people, and they will not accept counselling or therapy.
Let me recommend two books for you, which will give you understand and guidance.
It is time to end this relationship. It is doubtful that he will be amicable since he is not now, and does not treat you as a friend now.
You deserve to be treated well by someone with feelings, warmth, and kindness who knows that you are his precious one. Anything less is not enough, and this relationship is a nightmare. It is time to follow through with your feelings and worry about "friendship" and amicability after the fact.
I wish you courage and strength, and to that end shall keep you in my prayers
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC