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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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We have been married for 25 years. I have battled with this

Customer Question

We have been married for 25 years. I have battled with this marriage for 8/10 years. I have no more fight and want to walk away from it all. i am 100% certain of that. I have been subjected to adultery, alcoholic verbal abuse and the final straw is his watchful environment he has created since our children have come along. I attended counselling on my own. We attempted counselling together but we only made session because he didn't like it. It's my problem, you sort it was his reply. I'm no longer upset about it. I can't believe he puts up with our relationship. We don't talk, not had sex in over 12 months, I can't stand him touching or kissing me which he does frequently and he irritates me with his OCD behaviour and his excessive drinking. He knows exactly how I feel but won't talk for us to get things sorted once and for all. He's a clever and attractive man so why can't he see we need to move on? Why does he still want me to be around? I would love for us to amicably separate and remain friends. He will put up a massive fight and will make things very awkward for me. We have 2 girls, 16 and 11. Our 16 year old self harmed purely because of her frustrations with her father and our constant arguing. Help please. Dawn.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear Dawn,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand how troubled you are after so many years of terrible abuse. Your daughter must feel abandoned for her to be self-harming. She should seek therapy for this for you don't want to see her develop borderline personality disorder or other reactions to trauma, neglect, or abandonment.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your husband may be a narcissist which means that he is not capable of having empathy towards others and cannot feel the pain or hurt of others. Narcissists also like to be able to control other people, and he has been controlling you for so long. That is why he stays with you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Narcissists need what is called narcissistic supply which includes getting admiration from others or controlling others and bending them to their will. They are the best liars and manipulators of all people, and they will not accept counselling or therapy.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Let me recommend two books for you, which will give you understand and guidance.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is time to end this relationship. It is doubtful that he will be amicable since he is not now, and does not treat you as a friend now.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


You deserve to be treated well by someone with feelings, warmth, and kindness who knows that you are his precious one. Anything less is not enough, and this relationship is a nightmare. It is time to follow through with your feelings and worry about "friendship" and amicability after the fact.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I wish you courage and strength, and to that end shall keep you in my prayers

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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