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llw26
llw26, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 87
Experience:  LCPC - 2015. Counseling skills.
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If my husband of 14 years wont talk to me how can I show him

Customer Question

If my husband of 14 years wont talk to me how can I show him how much I love want and need him as he is talking about splitting up,he is my world and the thought.of him leaving is destroying me, I think he is having a mental break down and so does he but how.and what can I do to support him
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  llw26 replied 3 years ago.

llw26 :

Hello! I hope I can assist -- I know you said that you've tried to tell him openly how you're feeling, as well as writing to him, what have you done that's nonverbal (like cooking him his favorite meal, or watching his favorite show with him)?

Customer :

Yes I have done that ive booked and paid for helicopter lesson had a red rose sent to him ive done all I can think of but am willing to so everything.it takes

llw26 :

When did the problems begin?

Customer :

About a year ago he started to become withdrawn t

Customer :

The last year since moving.into my new house he doesnt like the area

llw26 :

Have you tried couples counseling or is he not into that?

Customer :

I have suggested it ive even been in touch with relate to see if they will help me on my own to deal with talking to him, I cant let him walk away from me and kids

llw26 :

Well it sounds like you've tried a lot of different options to help bring that spark back into your lives -- I would strongly suggest seeking out couples counseling if you would both be into it -- couples counseling could assist with what is missing while having both of you present and allow for the discussion of whatever problems you're having within the relationship.

Customer :

This is what I am trying to get him to agree to but am,unsure of how to get him to agree without causing his to think im belittling him or having a pop at him, he is a stubborn proud man he needs someone to practically walk into the house and say "right I am talking now.you listen" so how do I come to an agreement please

llw26 :

Have you tried to say that you want this relationship to work out and part of the way that you see it working out is going to counseling? Or have you tried to make it seem like it was his idea to go to therapy (if he feels as though you're belittling him, you can make it seem like it is his idea during a conversation)?

Customer :

I really dont know how.to make him think its.his idea, do you know if a.counsellor would contact him directly just to offer him the opportunity to say ok or email him or something??

llw26 :

Hm, I haven't heard of counselors doing that -- usually you have to seek out the professional. I would try calling a counselor in your area to see what their opinion is because everyone runs their practice differently. I don't usually contact clients because I want them to seek out counseling; however, this is just the way I practice professionally.

llw26 :

Does he give you reasons as to why he wants to split up?

Customer :

He says because he is emotionally drained, hes never home im.raising the kids on my own, he cones here once a week for half hour,ove the lastyear his level of involvment and affection towards me a

Customer :

Has disappeared it has really hurt me I misshim so much and he.doesnt see im getting lowet bevause I miss him

llw26 :

Yes, it sounds as though this is a very difficult time for you -- as it would be for anyone -- where is he living? How are the children taking this (also, how old are they)?

Customer :

He lives in a house that he rents off hos aunty with his brother and friend, the kids are finding this very hard as im struggling.to hold it all together they are fighting.amoungst thselves as normal kids do but its becoming.more and more and they are getting more and.more angrier! Starting.to hit each other and.swear. They have never seen.any violence and the bickering.rows between.nyself and my partner were very mild and didnt ever last long as.id walk away, this is frustration for not knowing.what we.have done

llw26 :

Wow, it does sound like tensions are increasing in the home -- have you thought about family therapy for just you and your children? I think this would be something you would all be able to benefit from while you're trying to figure out your family situation.

Customer :

Yes ive been having therapy for a while already but him leaving has totally knocked me

llw26 :

Yes, it really sounds like it hit you hard! What does your therapist say about all of this?

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