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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My boyfriend said he doesnt love me as much as he used to

Customer Question

My boyfriend said he doesn't love me as much as he used to and wants to split up. What's the best thing to do?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this sad and frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Regardless the circumstances, when a person does not feel enough affection, passion nor wants yo stay in a relationship, it's never wise to push him to stay, since that would only promote dysfunction, resentment, and further negative feelings in the relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

For a healthy and fulfilling relationship to develop and grow, affection and passion, understanding and willingness to be together and work on it must be mutual.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense, and could you tell me more about your situation?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

For how long were you together , what core problems you faced and how do you feel about it?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Can you read my input?

JACUSTOMER-f2i8ljpm- :

Yes, did you not get my response?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No, I did nit. Many times the chat interface does present technical problems not allowing good communication.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry but that is something out of my control. Could you please copy and paste your answer again?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for being this patient.

JACUSTOMER-f2i8ljpm- :

We have been together for almost two years. i moved in with him in January after doing long distance for a year. We have been having petty arguments recently. We are still living together. This happened the other night. I stayed with a friend last night and have come back today. I haven't made any contact with him. I'm hoping to talk to him when he gets back from work.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, thank you. Then you have has a couple of years together and know each other, what you think, feel and want, and while you still feel you want to stay and work on the relationship he is not willing to do the same.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think you have no option but to respect his decision, giving him the time and space he needs and wants.

JACUSTOMER-f2i8ljpm- :

I haven't asked him if he wants to sort it out yet.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If after that you see that he still feels the same and doe not want to work on healing the relationship, then there would be nothing more you could do about it. What you can do is to show you care about him. your relationship and are willing to work on it if he happens to feel the same. but if he doesn't you still need to take good care of yourself, that's your first right, need and responsibility.

JACUSTOMER-f2i8ljpm- :

Ok. Thanks.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then please be totally open and honest towards him, only in that way you would know what he feels, wants and is willing or not to do, and he will know the same about you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Please feel free to come back if you have any other questions or doubts since I am willing to support you coping with this situation.

JACUSTOMER-f2i8ljpm- :

Thanks.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. Thank you for you trust.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Bye for now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sorry, I am here to support you, in order for me to do it as well as possible, I need to have your trust and openness here to ell me what you think and feel, in that way I could support you better.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I have just commented on how necessary it is for you to be open and honest in your communication with your boyfriend, for him to know how you feel, what you need and want, what you are able and willing to do about your relationship, and for you to invite him to o the same, this si the only way two adults could work on any situation, even more when challenges, problems or painful circumstances arise.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you truly want to work on how to better understand and cope with it, then please allow yourself to dialogue with me here and I'd do my best to support you, otherwise it would be impossible, just like with any other human relationship, its quality and impact on us depend on how assertive or poor role we play on it.

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