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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Im just coming up for my 20th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately

Customer Question

I'm just coming up for my 20th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately I feel like ending the relationship as opposed to celebrating it. Although I care for my wife, I am not in love. I feel too passionate about being in love to with someone to just accept the relationship as adequate. She is very much more committed to the relationship than I am. All in all it comes down to not wanting to destroy her life and also avoiding hurting the children. I feel on the one hand almost physically sick at the possibility of doing this but also strangely optimistic as I know the relationship is one sided. She is a lovely person, just not someone i look at and feel love and passion for. I am a male 44 she is 46. Should I just stifle my desire to be in love and continue or act on instinct and have the possibility of being in love for real.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help with this situation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand what you are missing in your life.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That feeling is all too rare and there is no guarantee that you will find if (again if you have ever experienced it), and if you do it may just be very fleeting.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can also fall in love, that wonderful, overpowering feeling, with the wrong person - someone who will bring you pain and misery after a short while. Damage my be done, and that feeling will leave you and then you will be left along.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you leave your wife on a whim, you may never find the love you are looking for and will end up alone, lonely, unhappy, and estranged from the woman who loves you, and from your children.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you had an unhappy marriage and had found someone you were madly in love with, you might have more to consider, but you seem to have nothing to do but make a great leap of faith in the hope that there will be a net waiting to give you a gentle landing.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Unless that day comes along by chance, and you should not be actively seeking it whilst in your marriage, then you would be better off to stay with your wife.

JACUSTOMER-4tct2249- : So how does a person continue a relationship that is one sided. For example I have to write an anniversary card which I am dreading as I am not prepared to lie but also don't want to embellish a lie.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Is it that horrible for you? Do you feel that you are at the point of sabotaging your marriage?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Have you told her how you feel?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Is your marriage worth saving to you?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Are you looking for someone to tell you that it is alright to just walk away?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can do that but do you believe that you will suffer a lot? Perhaps you will not, and perhaps the suffering of your wife and children may not affect you. They will get over it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You have left the chat and that makes me think that you are asking for outright suport.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you are so desperately unhappy then perhaps you should leave, knowing the possible consequences.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I do recommend reading this book first:

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :



He is one of the world's foremost relationship experts and you would benefit from his wisdom, whatever direction you choose to take.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you can only tell your wife the truth, if that is your baseline, then tell her.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You seem adamant and very unhappy, and if you cannot do otherwise, then tell her you are done and move on.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It may be imprudent for most but may be right for you. Take a chance and see what life brings to you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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