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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know about this frustrating situation.
Hi Rafael, I have spoken to you before..
I see! What did we talk about at that time?
I remember now, just finishing to read your question
Then these are new issues adding to what you were already facing before. What happennend with the past issues around the other girl and the trip?
I see the vacation issue did not end good but cause frustration and fear around his priorities and caring about your feelings, and now these other behaviors just push things even more
I can see you respect his freedom a lot but also he is making choices that do not seem to promote the relationship, the necessary trust and intimacy you expect from him
We managed to work through the trip issue, we nearly split up over it
If he chooses to go to parties where he knows there would be drugs and his ex-girlfriends, then he is willingly choosing to share with those people, when aware that it does not help the relatiosnhip
he acknowledged he should have been upfront about the party and his ex and I've accepted that, its the porn that is not the issue
I see, but now this happens. I did not know you did not have sex yet, but can see that you chosen that to be that way and he has appaerntly respected that, but his behavior around the use of porn does not seem to match very well your agreement
I am sorry but the fact he was not honest with this new situations around the party an his ex, is very concerning, since this time he coulc not justify it saying this was a plan made before your relationship started and that he had spent money and needed the vacation and more.
He willingly chose to be dishonest and to share with her and those other people. Now if we add that fact to the current porn use, things get more concenring
We are not talking about a girl he met in one of his vacations that he chose to spent all that time with while already dating you, but he going and meeting his ex behind your back, and justifying it stating that you would not like the environment there.
If you do not have an active sexual life, he uses porn , and presents these other behaviors, then I would say it is concerning. Did he use not to have sex with his past girlfriends?
sorry i think i've confused you, there is no new issue with the party and his ex, that was a one off which happened before
It is not very common to find a male who has been sexually active and keep in touch with ex-girlfriends, uses porn and is not totally honest, to become sexually passive this easy.
I see, then the party and his ex happened before you started dating, right?
no the ex at the party was when we were dating, the holiday was a pre arranged trip with a group. those things aren't the issue its the issue of porn
I see, I mentioned them because they all seem to be related, it is about honesty, priorities, trust, caring and intimacy
He has been using porn while in the relationship with you, he was sexually active in past relationships and now he is not, then it could be much more challenging for both of you, but you are right, he must have been honest about this too
You have already confronted him and make it clear how you feel about it, now it is up to him to be consistent and honest about it
People use porn when they feel the need to feel fulfillment at that level and to get relief from different types of feelings and emotions. Of course the person's value and belief systems, play a concrete role here
Hello? Are you still there?